Frankly Ronda: July 2018

Friday afternoon I see a phone call from unknown caller. Since becoming a foster parent, I have learned to answer all calls. It is D's CVS Caseworker from CPS. It is THE call.

Background
We know that D and his younger brother will likely be placed in kinship care with an aunt. However, these things take awhile. On July 20, we learned that the kinship placement would not happen in August and is now targeted for September.

We have been discussing since June the alternative of moving D to the foster family who is caring for his younger brother. "We" means us, the other foster family, Jonathan's Place Caseworker, Buckner Caseworker, CVS Caseworker, CVS Caseworker's Supervisor, CASA Volunteer and Guardian Ad Litem. That is allot of entities to get on the same page.

I initiated the move conversations and not because we want D to leave our family. It is just the opposite. We love having him and caring for him. He is a part of our family. It is because my role is to do what is best for D. My love for D has to be as strong as this little boy who is already facing life with a history of trauma and the odds against him. It is D that is the brave one. We are just fortunate to have the opportunity attempt to meet his level of courage and strength.

I feel strongly that siblings belong together. His new foster family is wonderful. We do know every transition like this is undesirable for a foster child. In this case, we had to make the decision that the benefit of being with his brother outweighed the negatives. We also needed to make sure it happened before school started to minimize disruption.

When you hear the stories of kids being in multiple foster homes, you often wonder why does this happen? Here is an example of a move that is rooted in love and not a problem. Foster care is complicated.

Processing and Transitioning
I did cry when I got THE call Friday. D will move to his new Foster Home this Thursday. This week. How could I not cry?

We are now helping D understand what is about to happen. He is doing okay but is asking lots of questions and saying he will miss us. D is enrolled in Camp for next two weeks. I am going to help his new foster parents keep him there and I am going to enroll/pay for a third week to help them out. His new foster mom is a teacher so this will help with the care gap between now and school starting. Thus I expect to see him over next few weeks ... (interruption as I write)

D just walked in and asked "Why am I going to live with (younger brother name)?" So I explain to him in terms a 6 year old can understand and making sure he feels loved and safe.

On Tuesday, the new foster mom, D's younger brother, D's mother, D's grandmother, a couple other kids, D and I are going to Hawaiian Falls. We have made some conscious decisions to cross certain boundaries with D's bio family. Again, we are making educated, thoughtful decisions that we think will benefit D and his brother in the long term. We can try to surround these precious boys with as much love as possible.

The Joy
There have been so many joys with D. One of the greatest is seeing Youngest Son with D. Youngest Son is so patient, caring and affectionate with D ... always. Last week I had an appointment so I dropped D off at the JCC at 6pm with Youngest Son after Youngest Son had worked 10.5 hours as Camp Counselor. Youngest Son met me in parking lot and instructed me to give him the booster and that he was going to give D "a private tour of the JCC." After the tour, Youngest Son then took him out to eat and then did D's evening routine of bath, books and bed. Youngest Son sat with D in his room as he fell asleep. Youngest Son is 16 and I am proud.

Youngest Son just got up and I am listening (as I write) to Youngest Son and D playing and laughing out loud.

D's Mother
D's mother is very young. D's mother is pregnant with her third son due in early September. D's mother has D (who will turn 7 in September) and his brother who is 20 months old. She is working her service plan from CPS to regain custody of her sons. She really trying. She is loving and kind. I sincerely hope she is able to pull it all together.

Glimpes ...

Gifts from special friend ... we are so fortunate.

Off to Camp!

Watching tortillas being made :)

Dodge Ball! D had a collision last week and with gusher nose bleed - oh my!

Thankful Tree at Camp - what D is thankful for ... he loves camp!

More fun at camp!

Snuggled up watching Netflix

So much has happened in the last month …

Dental Surgery
D had day surgery at Children’s Hospital to remove 9 teeth which included 8 baby molars. D’s Mom was with me from 9am to 5pm. It was good and right for D’s Mom to be with him. He has recovered remarkably well. He now has 6 bottom baby front teeth and two 6-year molars; that is it. We have to make sure his food is cut up but he is eating way more foods than I would have expected.

It was an emotionally draining day.

D’s Mom

D’s Mom is young and a victim herself. She is working her service plan to get the boys back. The service plan includes parenting classes and therapy among other requirements. I gave her my phone number so I do get daily texts and I try to respond to her with a couple updates and pictures daily. We have established a schedule for her to talk to D on Sunday and Wednesday nights and then she visits with him on Fridays at the weekly Family Visit.

We got permission from CPS for me to meet her at a shoe store last week. She wanted to buy him new shoes and pick them out with him. It made her so happy and D too. He can put on those shoes each day and know his Mom got them for him.

My job is to foster D AND to support this mother as she attempts to beat the odds. The relationship between the biological family and foster family can look a zillion different ways dependent on so many different variables. Each story is truly unique. The circumstances are never easy thus navigating them can be tricky.

D's Mom is trying hard. She is loving and caring. She has an uphill trek to get things to work out.

D's Mom is pregnant with her third son.

D’s Vision
We finally got D to the vision clinic at Children’s. He needs to wear glasses all the time and the doctor recommends eye surgery to correct his drifting right eye. So, we have now gotten D a couple pair of glasses and have an appointment in August for a pre-op assessment.

Hoping to get this done before he leaves our home.

D’s Summer

We are tremendously grateful to be able to send D to Addison Athletic Club Day Camp this week. He gets to attend with a family friend that lives in Addison. The camp is so affordable and fun and just right for D. And I was thrilled that he passed the swimming test!

D will go with his toddler brother’s foster family on vacation to San Antonio next week. He is excited and will have a wonderful time with this generous and loving foster family. They are kinda like our co-parenting foster family since the two families are fostering each brother.

I did file my first Incident Report. D hit his head on side of our pool and had quite a goose egg. Fortunately, he is fine. Incident Reports are required for bumps, bruises and cuts that happen and sometimes it prompts an investigation. This is all a part of fostering so that the foster child is protected.

D had Swimmer’s Ear so we visited acute care at Rees-Jones Clinic. The Dallas location was booked but Plano worked to get us an appointment quickly. Dallas/Plano is so fortunate to have this foster care facility as part of Children’s Medical Center.

D is happy and thriving.

The Foster Care Team Update

0) Placement Update - NEW UPDATE - There is a kinship home study being conducted so D and his toddler brother can possibly move in with a relative. Kinship care is like foster care but with a relative of the foster child. The home study is with the paternal aunt and initial steps have been completed. The aunt will move into a larger home with the legally required amount of space for D and his toddler brother on August 1. The judge did not order this home study so there are also steps that must be taken with the judge. We are hoping if the boys are moved then it happens before school starts so D will have not have to change schools later.

1) Jonathan's Place (JP) Caseworker (Agency Caseworker) - NEW UPDATE – Our JP Caseworker came by for monthly visit last week.

2) CVS Caseworker (CPS Conservatorship Caseworker) - NEW UPDATE – Our CVS Caseworker met with D for about 5 minutes and me for about 15 minutes this week. She let me know she is leaving next Wednesday to go back to graduate school. She has an interim supervisor since her supervisor left a few weeks ago. We do not know who the new Caseworker will be … huge sigh.

3) Guardian Ad Litem (Attorney for the foster child) - The Guardian Ad Litem met D on Saturday (May 12th) at our home. I have not heard from him since that date, but I have been told that he approved the kinship placement.

4) CASA Volunteer (Child advocate volunteer) - CASA Volunteer has been to a June Family Visit at CPS. She also picked up and took D to Chucky Cheese on June 18. D was SO excited. I have definitely grown to appreciate her interactions with D and us. I consider her a stronger part of our Foster Care Team.

5) Therapist Evaluation - NEW UPDATE -The therapist has met with D twice in our home and will be back every couple weeks.

6) Biological Family - NEW UPDATE - The biological family for D includes Mom, Dad, grandmothers, an aunt, cousins and other young relatives. D also has a toddler brother in another foster care home. We have Family Visits every Friday at 2pm at CPS. The Dad is not available for visits.

7) Judge - The Judge is ultimately the decision maker for just about everything. The last court date was June 8. The next court check point is scheduled for October 2018. There will have to be special court date(s) requested to process the kinship placement. The Judge will also need to define service plan for Mom to get kids back.

8) CPS 3rd Party Home Study Entity - CPS contracts with 3rd parties to conduct home studies. Initial home visit completed for kinship placement.

9) Foster Sitters - NEW UPDATE -We have certified Foster Sitters #1, #2 and #3 along with Oldest Son and Youngest Son certified. We have several other sitters still in motion. It is a PROCESS.