A Summer of Change and Meaning

This disjointed post is about transitions, change, growing up, helping others and how they are connected in my brain today ...

Our Summer Ends with D (Kinda)

D moved from our home to his new foster family on August 2nd thus he has officially been gone for two weeks. We are comforted that D is with his toddler brother and a truly wonderful foster family. We are also fortunate that we have seen him most days. D is still attending summer camp and I have been picking him up in the afternoons until his foster dad finishes his work day. I also took D to his Family Visit last Friday at CPS thus seeing D's Bio Family too.

D will start 1st grade next Monday at his new school and he is signed up for a soccer team which he will love. His 7th birthday is soon. We hope to be a part of his birthday celebration and watch a few soccer games!

D has done well with the transition and seems happier this week than last week. He is skipping around and chatting away and just super cute. Our family and the other foster family have also been transitioning. We have been helping each other.

Youngest Son's Summer Wraps Up

Youngest Son has completed an interesting summer. For eight weeks, he has worked full-time at the Jewish Community Center in their camps (10.5 hours a day for last two weeks!) Every Saturday, he has volunteered at Children's Medical Center as an ambassador and in the play room. This week he let us know "Oh, I have been recommended and approved for Children's Medical Center Fall Volunteer program and will volunteer two Saturdays a month."

We started our teens managing their own budgets and expenses at age 14.  Each August, I sit down with them to go over last year's cash flow in their Excel spreadsheet and they propose the next twelve month budget. Youngest Son was taking me through his spend for July. He had a charge for 70 cents at a retail store - what? Youngest Son "Oh, the person in front of me did not have enough money so I just helped them." Then there was a cash withdrawal and he was accounting for where it went "Oh, I gave some to a homeless man."

Youngest Son asked me "When are we getting our next foster child?" And when I countered questioned Youngest Son about his thoughts on fostering D, Youngest Son said "I liked having a younger brother."  (Interesting that he did not say foster brother - I love that.)

These seemingly disconnected accounts about Youngest Son are tied together in a meaningful way. I see he is helping others under his own initiative in different areas of his teen life.

Oldest Son's Summer of Change

Oldest Son spent seven weeks on the road in Washington DC and Michigan working debate camp including a teaching assistant role. On social media, I was able to view a simple and funny thank you sign obviously given to Oldest Son by his students. Oldest Son posted a picture of it captioned as "7 weeks of debate camp was long, but my labbies made it worth it" so I will interpret this as a good sign (pun intended) that Oldest Son also focused on making it a priority to be helpful to others.

I follow Oldest Son's twitter and he sends me articles and stuff. I am beyond proud of Oldest Son's priorities. Every belief system decision and every progressive position demonstrates a deep and sure understanding of human rights. Helping others is the very foundation each stand Oldest Son takes; that is the way I see it.

And the ultimate transition of the Summer: Oldest Son drove off to college last week.

And A Future Foster Child ...
We are closed to accepting a foster child at the moment but expect to open up again soon. It appears to be a good way for us to help others and truth be told, ourselves too.

#notsilent #fostercare #fosterparent #fosterson #helpingothers #raisingteens

And the Transition with D Begins ...

Friday afternoon I see a phone call from unknown caller. Since becoming a foster parent, I have learned to answer all calls. It is D's CVS Caseworker from CPS. It is THE call.

Background
We know that D and his younger brother will likely be placed in kinship care with an aunt. However, these things take awhile. On July 20, we learned that the kinship placement would not happen in August and is now targeted for September.

We have been discussing since June the alternative of moving D to the foster family who is caring for his younger brother. "We" means us, the other foster family, Jonathan's Place Caseworker, Buckner Caseworker, CVS Caseworker, CVS Caseworker's Supervisor, CASA Volunteer and Guardian Ad Litem. That is allot of entities to get on the same page.

I initiated the move conversations and not because we want D to leave our family. It is just the opposite. We love having him and caring for him. He is a part of our family. It is because my role is to do what is best for D. My love for D has to be as strong as this little boy who is already facing life with a history of trauma and the odds against him. It is D that is the brave one. We are just fortunate to have the opportunity attempt to meet his level of courage and strength.

I feel strongly that siblings belong together. His new foster family is wonderful. We do know every transition like this is undesirable for a foster child. In this case, we had to make the decision that the benefit of being with his brother outweighed the negatives. We also needed to make sure it happened before school started to minimize disruption.

When you hear the stories of kids being in multiple foster homes, you often wonder why does this happen? Here is an example of a move that is rooted in love and not a problem. Foster care is complicated.

Processing and Transitioning
I did cry when I got THE call Friday. D will move to his new Foster Home this Thursday. This week. How could I not cry?

We are now helping D understand what is about to happen. He is doing okay but is asking lots of questions and saying he will miss us. D is enrolled in Camp for next two weeks. I am going to help his new foster parents keep him there and I am going to enroll/pay for a third week to help them out. His new foster mom is a teacher so this will help with the care gap between now and school starting. Thus I expect to see him over next few weeks ... (interruption as I write)

D just walked in and asked "Why am I going to live with (younger brother name)?" So I explain to him in terms a 6 year old can understand and making sure he feels loved and safe.

On Tuesday, the new foster mom, D's younger brother, D's mother, D's grandmother, a couple other kids, D and I are going to Hawaiian Falls. We have made some conscious decisions to cross certain boundaries with D's bio family. Again, we are making educated, thoughtful decisions that we think will benefit D and his brother in the long term. We can try to surround these precious boys with as much love as possible.

The Joy
There have been so many joys with D. One of the greatest is seeing Youngest Son with D. Youngest Son is so patient, caring and affectionate with D ... always. Last week I had an appointment so I dropped D off at the JCC at 6pm with Youngest Son after Youngest Son had worked 10.5 hours as Camp Counselor. Youngest Son met me in parking lot and instructed me to give him the booster and that he was going to give D "a private tour of the JCC." After the tour, Youngest Son then took him out to eat and then did D's evening routine of bath, books and bed. Youngest Son sat with D in his room as he fell asleep. Youngest Son is 16 and I am proud.

Youngest Son just got up and I am listening (as I write) to Youngest Son and D playing and laughing out loud.

D's Mother
D's mother is very young. D's mother is pregnant with her third son due in early September. D's mother has D (who will turn 7 in September) and his brother who is 20 months old. She is working her service plan from CPS to regain custody of her sons. She really trying. She is loving and kind. I sincerely hope she is able to pull it all together.

Glimpes ...

Gifts from special friend ... we are so fortunate.

Off to Camp!

Watching tortillas being made :)

Dodge Ball! D had a collision last week and with gusher nose bleed - oh my! 

Thankful Tree at Camp -  what D is thankful for ... he loves camp!

More fun at camp!

Snuggled up watching Netflix 

Summer with D

So much has happened in the last month …

Dental Surgery
D had day surgery at Children’s Hospital to remove 9 teeth which included 8 baby molars. D’s Mom was with me from 9am to 5pm. It was good and right for D’s Mom to be with him. He has recovered remarkably well. He now has 6 bottom baby front teeth and two 6-year molars; that is it. We have to make sure his food is cut up but he is eating way more foods than I would have expected.

It was an emotionally draining day.

D’s Mom

D’s Mom is young and a victim herself. She is working her service plan to get the boys back. The service plan includes parenting classes and therapy among other requirements. I gave her my phone number so I do get daily texts and I try to respond to her with a couple updates and pictures daily. We have established a schedule for her to talk to D on Sunday and Wednesday nights and then she visits with him on Fridays at the weekly Family Visit.

We got permission from CPS for me to meet her at a shoe store last week. She wanted to buy him new shoes and pick them out with him. It made her so happy and D too. He can put on those shoes each day and know his Mom got them for him.

My job is to foster D AND to support this mother as she attempts to beat the odds. The relationship between the biological family and foster family can look a zillion different ways dependent on so many different variables. Each story is truly unique. The circumstances are never easy thus navigating them can be tricky.

D's Mom is trying hard. She is loving and caring. She has an uphill trek to get things to work out.

D's Mom is pregnant with her third son.

D’s Vision
We finally got D to the vision clinic at Children’s. He needs to wear glasses all the time and the doctor recommends eye surgery to correct his drifting right eye. So, we have now gotten D a couple pair of glasses and have an appointment in August for a pre-op assessment.

Hoping to get this done before he leaves our home.

D’s Summer

We are tremendously grateful to be able to send D to Addison Athletic Club Day Camp this week. He gets to attend with a family friend that lives in Addison. The camp is so affordable and fun and just right for D. And I was thrilled that he passed the swimming test!

D will go with his toddler brother’s foster family on vacation to San Antonio next week. He is excited and will have a wonderful time with this generous and loving foster family. They are kinda like our co-parenting foster family since the two families are fostering each brother.

I did file my first Incident Report. D hit his head on side of our pool and had quite a goose egg. Fortunately, he is fine. Incident Reports are required for bumps, bruises and cuts that happen and sometimes it prompts an investigation. This is all a part of fostering so that the foster child is protected.

D had Swimmer’s Ear so we visited acute care at Rees-Jones Clinic. The Dallas location was booked but Plano worked to get us an appointment quickly. Dallas/Plano is so fortunate to have this foster care facility as part of Children’s Medical Center.

D is happy and thriving.

The Foster Care Team Update

0) Placement Update - NEW UPDATE - There is a kinship home study being conducted so D and his toddler brother can possibly move in with a relative. Kinship care is like foster care but with a relative of the foster child. The home study is with the paternal aunt and initial steps have been completed. The aunt will move into a larger home with the legally required amount of space for D and his toddler brother on August 1. The judge did not order this home study so there are also steps that must be taken with the judge. We are hoping if the boys are moved then it happens before school starts so D will have not have to change schools later.

1) Jonathan's Place (JP) Caseworker (Agency Caseworker) - NEW UPDATE – Our JP Caseworker came by for monthly visit last week.

2) CVS Caseworker (CPS Conservatorship Caseworker) - NEW UPDATE – Our CVS Caseworker met with D for about 5 minutes and me for about 15 minutes this week. She let me know she is leaving next Wednesday to go back to graduate school. She has an interim supervisor since her supervisor left a few weeks ago. We do not know who the new Caseworker will be … huge sigh.

3) Guardian Ad Litem (Attorney for the foster child) - The Guardian Ad Litem met D on Saturday (May 12th) at our home. I have not heard from him since that date, but I have been told that he approved the kinship placement.

4) CASA Volunteer (Child advocate volunteer) - CASA Volunteer has been to a June Family Visit at CPS. She also picked up and took D to Chucky Cheese on June 18. D was SO excited. I have definitely grown to appreciate her interactions with D and us. I consider her a stronger part of our Foster Care Team.

5) Therapist Evaluation - NEW UPDATE -The therapist has met with D twice in our home and will be back every couple weeks.

6) Biological Family -  NEW UPDATE - The biological family for D includes Mom, Dad, grandmothers, an aunt, cousins and other young relatives. D also has a toddler brother in another foster care home. We have Family Visits every Friday at 2pm at CPS. The Dad is not available for visits.

7) Judge - The Judge is ultimately the decision maker for just about everything. The last court date was June 8. The next court check point is scheduled for October 2018. There will have to be special court date(s) requested to process the kinship placement. The Judge will also need to define service plan for Mom to get kids back.

8) CPS 3rd Party Home Study Entity - CPS contracts with 3rd parties to conduct home studies. Initial home visit completed for kinship placement.

9) Foster Sitters - NEW UPDATE -We have certified Foster Sitters #1, #2 and #3 along with Oldest Son and Youngest Son certified. We have several other sitters still in motion. It is a PROCESS.

#notsilent #fostercare #fosterparent #fosterson #fostercourt

Glimpses ...

Big boy headed into Addison Athletic Club Day Camp and in new sneakers from Mom.

July 4th Parade in Stephenville!

Making a Crocodile Puppet before Lion King

A great outing for us and D :)

New Glasses

Playing in fun lobby at Rees-Jones Center for Foster Care Excellence at Children's when visiting doctor for Swimmers' Ear

Hope, Health and Healing says it all. (Rees-Jones Center)

D's Big Happenings

Happening #1- Dental Surgery
D has now had two visits at the Rees-Jones Center for Foster Care at Children's in Dallas. His general health is great. He grew 1/2 an inch and lost 3 pounds between visits! The doctor was pleased with his BMI improvement. D is not on any meds and is a normal active 6 year old.

However, D's dental visit at Children's Pediatric Dental Clinic surfaced serious dental problems. It is clear that D had major dental issues as we can see that many baby teeth have been extracted and there are caps on all remaining back molars. These caps did not protect the baby molars and he will need to have 9 back teeth removed. I stood and cried as the dentist showed me all the decay. Given the number of extractions, we have day surgery scheduled for Tuesday, June 26. It appears his permanent teeth are all okay and his first set of molars are coming though as expected - thank goodness! It will take the next few years for his teeth to get to a normal state.

While I have medical authority as the foster parent, I do have to get approval from CPS for D to go under anesthesia. So I have talked with my JP Caseworker, the CASA Volunteer and the CPS CVS Caseworker and sent out emails with the dental report. The CVS Caseworker is required to get her Supervisor to approve and I know her Supervisor recently quit so she has new one.  I have also asked the CVS Caseworker to ask D's family for any dental history and to tell them about what is happening. I am hoping to talk with D's family at the Friday Family Visit this week to explain. The CVS Caseworker will not be there this week so I will have to figure out the best way to have this conversation.

I am working on an eating approach. D is fairly limited in what he likes to eat and definitely has a high carb preference. He is not going to have back molars to chew with for quite some time, he has no front top teeth and he is about to start loosing his bottom baby teeth. The dentist has said absolutely only white milk and water to drink. Honestly, I am quite anxious about how this will impact his eating and diet. I working on ideas and a plan to get him proper nutrition. 

Significant Situation #2- D's Mom
The other major change is that D's Mom has been at the last two Family Visits. On June 8th, we got notification about one hour before that she would be at visit so I was able to prepare D. The joy of seeing D reunited with his mother was magnificent. She is very young, loves her children and is a frankly victim herself. D was tearful at the first separation but he recovered quickly. The second visit was all about his happiness to be with his family and no tears. Every single day, multiple times a day, we talk about when the next Friday Family Visit will be and seeing his Mom and other family members. His Mom told me she would be taking parenting classes. I know she has to work a court ordered service plan but I have no information on what is in motion. She has some significant obstacles and the situation is complex.

SIDE NOTE: I cannot help but compare D's primal relationship wth his Mom and family as I hear about the devastation being wreaked on children and families at the Texas border. The United States government has willfully traumatized babies, toddlers, kids and teens and most of them will NEVER be the same. This is not politics. This is a moral choice about protecting the basic human rights of our most vulnerable population. There is absolutely no middle ground for me. I condemn Trump, Sessions and the administration for the zero-tolerance policy and the impacts thus far and in the future; do not be fooled that the Executive Order yesterday has stopped the cruelty.

Other Quick Updates

• D went to Lonesome Dove Camp June 2 to June 4. It is a summer sleep away camp for foster kids run by a local church. He had SO much fun. They did ALLOT into 2.5 days: horseback riding, swimming, fishing, crafts, games and a individual "birthday party" for each of the 40 campers. He came home with a photo album with pictures of him doing all his activities. The sponsors really thought through what would be meaningful to these kids of trauma.
• Oldest Son graduated from high school so lots of events around him in early June. He helped with D for the 2nd week of June. Oldest Son drove away on June 15 from home (sniff sniff) to drive across the country for his summer jobs working at debate camps at Georgetown (Washington DC) and Michigan State.
• Youngest Son is busy 6 days a week working as Sports Counselor at JCC and volunteering on Saturdays at Children's Medical Center.
• We have been dealing with some other changes too so lots happening in our home! 

The Foster Care Team Update

0) Placement Update - There is a kinship home study being conducted so D and his toddler brother can possibly move in with a relative. Kinship care is like foster care but with a relative of the foster child. The home study is with the paternal aunt and initial steps have been completed. The aunt must move into a larger home the have the legally required amount of space for D and his toddler brother. The judge did not order this home study so there are also steps that must be taken with the judge.

1) Jonathan's Place (JP) Caseworker (Agency Caseworker) - NEW UPDATE - I have been in touch with our JP Caseworker but no major events have occurred.

2) CVS Caseworker (CPS Conservatorship Caseworker)  - NEW UPDATE - CVS Caseworker is required to meet with D once per month. She met him on May 24th. She also transported him to a family visit on June 1 which counts as the official June visit. She is not present at most family visits. She responds when I reach out and is friendly.

3) Guardian Ad Litem (Attorney for the foster child) - NEW UPDATE - The Guardian Ad Litem met D on Saturday (May 12th) at our home. I have not heard from him since but I have been told that he approved the kinship placement.

4) CASA Volunteer (Child advocate volunteer) - NEW UPDATE - CASA Volunteer has been to a June Family Visit at CPS. She also picked up and took D to Chucky Cheese last Monday, June 18. D was SO excited. I have definitely grown to appreciate her interactions with D and us. I consider her a stronger part of our Foster Care Team.

5) Therapist Evaluation - NEW UPDATE -We got a call from the therapist (finally) and she will be at our house on Monday June 25 to meet with D. 

6) Biological Family - NEW UPDATE -The biological family for D includes Mom, Dad, grandmothers, an aunt, cousins and other young relatives. D also has a toddler brother in another foster care home. We have Family Visits every Friday at 2pm at CPS. BIG update is the Mom is now able to join the visits and has been to last two. 

7) Judge - NEW UPDATE -The Judge is ultimately the decision maker for just about everything. The last court date was June 8. The next court check point is scheduled for October 2018. There will have to be special court date(s) requested to process the kinship placement. The Judge will also need to define service plan for Mom to get kids back.

8) CPS 3rd Party Home Study Entity  - NEW UPDATE - CPS contracts with 3rd parties to conduct home studies. Initial home visit completed for kinship placement.

9) Foster Sitters - NEW UPDATE -We have certified Foster Sitter #1 along with Oldest Son and Youngest Son certified. We have several other sitters still in motion. It is a PROCESS.

#notsilent #fostercare #fosterparent #fosterson #fostercourt

Glimpes ...

D could not swim at all when he arrived April 8th! So proud of him. 

D is happy in the pool all day, every day.