Alzheimer's This Day

 A typical occurrence for families facing dementia.

When Younger-Onset Alzheimer's hits families, we are typically still in an active phase of life with kids and jobs and robust social lives. One of the impacted areas that is quite time consuming is changing how bills, utilities, online accounts, memberships, subscriptions, etc. are set up. Most of these things require a User ID, passwords and/or PIN numbers. For our family, ALLOT of these things were and are set up in Tom's name on his computer with his multiple email accounts and endless variations of access information. Sam, Noah and I are still changing and shifting various accounts after one and half years! I know it seems crazy.

I am going to use today's frustration to illustrate how we as a society must do better.

SITUATION

Our AT&T security monitoring automated billing did not go through last couple months. Tom had set up this particular service on a new system in 2017.  I am guessing the credit card entered online had expired. Notices went to Tom's email which we did not pick up until today. We were behind two months: July and August.

I tried to pay online but could not because they suspended our account - fair enough. So I started the process of calling customer service. I explained Tom's Younger-Onset Alzheimer's situation thus I needed to make the catch up payment AND to change account to my name. 

AT&T's response was to charge $5 for the phone help, $35 for reactivation and $100 to change to my name. I could accept the $5 and the $35 but the $100 threw me over the edge.  I reiterated the situation of why we needed the name change and the response was "so sorry but we cannot do anything." 

And I am doing all this while listening to a work conference call because these kinds of things usually have to be done 8-5 Monday to Friday with long periods of time on hold. I was flustered and frustrated and in tears. Overreacting? Probably. But this happens so much and this is when caregivers feel VERY alone. Sam, Noah and I are doing the best we can to get these things changed ... we are doing the best we can ... we are trying.

ANOTHER WAY

There is an alternative. This conversation could have been something like this "Mrs. Grimsley, we understand your circumstances are difficult right now. We want to do what we can to help. We will absolutely waive those fees. We appreciate you calling to share what is going on in your life that impacted the delay in payment. Can you spend a few more moments with me making sure we turn your service back on and get your account details changed?"

COMPASSIONATE SOCIETY

When asked what can you do, I would say help us form a society that prioritizes empathy and seeks understanding of the human condition. If you are in a position of influence, create flexible policies that are considerate and kind which may mean reducing profits. Let us all be curious about what others are experiencing; I find that much goes on that is not obvious. So much in conducting daily life seems so much harder than it has to be ... imagine if our first priority was creating a compassionate society.

CONCLUSION

I canceled the AT&T security monitoring service. Now I will figure out if there is another option. 

Huge Sigh.

Velocity

I am a problem solver. I always have been. It it my survival mechanism. It got me through a nutty childhood. It was the driver behind becoming a mathematician. I built my professional life around this quality.

Well, there are not enough brain cells for me to solve the magnitude of problems coming at me. I am sure there is a platitude for this exact situation; perhaps it is "let it go" or "day at a time" or "one foot in front of the other." So the problem I need to solve is how solve the problems coming at me with this unnerving velocity. I figure out three things and there are twice that many that pop up next.

And it is definitely not going to get better. It is not. So. Here I am.

I feel ... that what we are supposed to focus on ... how we feel. I pulled up the feelings wheel. The Gold is all the feels for me: fearful, anxious, helpless, frightened, overwhelmed, worried, excluded, exposed. Then I will go to Blue: sad, lonely, vulnerable, despair, powerless, isolated. The Greys are  how I feel about the current state of humanity: disappointed, appalled, horrified.

But I also hit a few Yellows: happy, interested, proud, thankful, sensitive, loving, courageous, successful.

No clever wrap up on this post.

If We Don't Stand Up for Children ...

The world I want to live in takes care of children no matter what. There are no circumstances where a country, a government, a society, a community, a school, an organization or an adult does not protect and care for its children. Each of these entities is defined by its choices and priorities.

Children do not choose how they are born, where they are born and to whom they are born. Minors have zero control over what horrors can be and are inflicted on them. Yet there is a never ending list of atrocities happening this very minute to children in every corner of the world, here are a few examples and is in no way a full list:

• The child refugee crisis is the worst it has been since WWII. Many, many millions of children are fleeing brutal conflict and extreme poverty. This includes kids from Syria, Iraq, Yemen, Burundi, Myanmar and the South Sudan. Countries taking in these child refugees include Uganda, Tanzania, Lebanon, Bangladesh, Egypt, Ethiopia, Kenya and Kenya. I think what is most notable about the second list is what countries are not listed.

• "Among the 1.3 million people who sought asylum in Europe in 2015 were nearly a hundred thousand unaccompanied children. Most were from Afghanistan and Syria. Thirteen per cent were younger than fourteen years old. The data for 2016 are incomplete, but the situation is comparable ... At an age at which most kids need supervision to complete their homework, these children cross continents alone."

• Human trafficking of children where they are used for sexual exploitation, pornography, forced labour, soldiers, slaves, forced or sham marriages and benefit fraud. While 28 per cent of detected trafficking victims worldwide are children, in regions such as Sub-Saharan Africa, and Central America and the Caribbean children comprise 62 and 64 per cent of victims, respectively.

• The number of asylum seekers including children and young people from El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras and Mexico and increased dramatically in recent years due to the increasingly targeted violence in their countries.

• "At least half of the states in the U.S. have seen their foster care capacity decrease between 2012 and 2017. Either these states have fewer beds and more foster youth, or any increase in beds has been dwarfed by an even greater increase in foster children and youth." 

• On any given day, there are over 400,000 foster care kids in U.S. of which over half will remain in care for almost two years. The number in Texas ranges from 25,000 to 30,000 foster kids with over 3,500 needing adoptive parents.

• Far too many foster children get stuck in the system, having neither their biological family nor a permanent adoptive family. In 2014 alone, more than 22,000 young people were discharged from foster care and sent to live on their own. 

• There are 15.5 million U.S. kids living in poverty. Kids in the U.S. experience higher poverty rates than most developed nations. Only Greece, Mexico, Israel and Turkey have higher child poverty rates than the U.S.

• Extreme poverty, measured at $1.90 per person per day, disproportionately affects children –387 million, or 19.5% of the world’s children live in extreme poverty compared to just 9.2% of adults. Children represent half of the poor yet are just one third of the underlying population.

• Fill in the Bullet ... the shameful number of ways we do not take care of children in this world and in the U.S. seems endless to me ... I did not even get to healthcare, abuse and education ...

We do not take care of our kids; define "WE" in a zillion different ways.

AND now, we have the American government with a stated policy of separating children from parents who arrive at our borders. From what I have gathered from reading and actual cases described by ACLU, this impacts those attempting illegal entry but also may and has applied to those seeking asylum - it appears to be happening before due process. 

John Kelly, White House Chief of Staff, had the audacity to say when asked about this practice "The children will be taken care of — put into foster care or whatever. But the big point is they elected to come illegally into the United States and this is a technique that no one hopes will be used extensively or for very long." Exactly how did "the child" who is being separated from their parent "elect to come illegally?"

Please note our own U.S. foster care system is woefully underfunded, understaffed and under-resourced. Texas has been found by a federal court to not be meeting the constitutional rights of foster care children in Texas. We KNOW these children of trauma (i.e. all foster kids) will have to overcome multitude of challenges that may hinder their ability to become healthy, productive, independent adults who our U.S. society will then view with scorn once they hit the magical age 18 if everything is not "just fine."

BUT hey, according to Kelly, we can place these children removed at the border in "foster care or whatever" ... because we have so much extra capacity and we are doing it so well now ... yes that is full of sarcasm.

Does anyone think that the juvenile detention centers are actually caring for these children properly without further trauma? Do we think these facilities are free from abuse? Do we believe they are all safe? Do we think these kids are getting a developmentally appropriate education? Do we believe they are getting healthy food, adequate exercise and proper medical attention? 

AND Department of Health and Human Services officials told Congress last month that they had lost track of nearly 1,500 unaccompanied migrant children who had been placed with adult sponsors. Does anyone actually believe these lost kids are safe? 

This is not a political post. It is a post about how one chooses to live and view the human rights of every person. No life is more valuable than another. All children deserve love; they deserve a chance.

I will end repeating how I started:

The world I want to live in takes care of children no matter what. There are no circumstances where a country, a government, a society, a community, a school, an organization or an adult does not protect and care for its children. Children do not choose how they are born, where they are born and to whom they are born. Minors have zero control over what horrors can be and are inflicted on them. 

SOURCES
https://www.unicefusa.org/mission/emergencies/child-refugees
https://www.savethechildren.org/us/what-we-do/emergency-response/refugee-children-crisis
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/02/27/europes-child-refugee-crisis
https://www.rescue.org/
https://www.humanrightsfirst.org/resource/human-trafficking-numbers
https://www.unodc.org/unodc/en/frontpage/2016/December/almost-a-third-of-trafficking-victims-are-children_-unodc-report.html
https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/seeking-asylum-in-the-u-s-under-trump
https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/01/world/asylum-process-refugee-migrant-immigration-trnd/index.html
https://www.wola.org/analysis/fact-sheet-united-states-immigration-central-american-asylum-seekers/
https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/11/30/567615510/number-of-american-children-in-foster-care-increases-for-4th-consecutive-year
http://theconversation.com/the-hidden-harms-of-the-us-foster-care-system-49700
https://www.dallasnews.com/news/child-protective-services/collection/cps-evolving-foster-care-crisis-texas
https://txchildren.org/posts/2018/1/26/texas-should-begin-implementing-parts-of-of-the-foster-care-order-now
https://www.adoptuskids.org/adoption-and-foster-care/how-to-adopt-and-foster/state-information/texas
https://www.children.org/global-poverty/global-poverty-facts/facts-about-poverty-in-usa
https://data.unicef.org/topic/overview/child-poverty/
http://www.businessinsider.com/john-kelly-family-separation-policy-illegal-border-crossing-2018-5
https://psmag.com/news/children-will-now-be-separated-from-their-parents-at-the-u-s-border
http://thehill.com/homenews/media/389572-rick-santorum-migrant-children-the-government-lost-track-of-arent-lost

#notsilent #WhereAreTheChildren #fostercare #fosterparent #StandUpForChildren

Woman & Child First - A Plea for Action

I propose that our society prioritize. There are endless good causes and issues in which people are passionate. I am a feminist and am thankful every day that I was born in the USA. However, there are still serious problems impacting women and children in this country. And the atrocities committed against women and children around the world are heartbreaking.

I understand that abortion is a difficult topic. The fact is that abortions are legal in this country at this time and have been for over 40 years. I am outraged to think of the money, time and energy that has been expended to challenge the legalities.

People get some common sense. Let us unite and change the conversation. I would like every minute and every dollar spent to maintain or overturn Roe v. Wade to be diverted as follows:

• All 463,000 children in foster care are adopted or in a loving, safe home.

• Single mothers living at or below the poverty level are provided job training, affordable childcare and assistance to gain employment allowing them to pay all expenses without welfare. There are 8,000,000 homes with children being raised without a father and below the poverty line. 

• Ensure all single mothers receive child support from the father from the moment birth occurs whether married or not. Over 25% of custodial parents do not received child support as awarded and these are just the ones that actually get to court. 

• Provide affordable and easy access to birth control from the time a woman is able to have a child. 40.2% of births are to unmarried women. There were 249,000 babies born to females ages 15 - 19 in 2014.

• Eliminate child abuse that includes physical, sexual, emotional and neglect.

 "Annually, there 6,600,000 referrals to state child protective services of which there are 3,200,000 children subject to investigation. The were 702,000 children who are victims of maltreatment in 2014. In 2014, state agencies identified an estimated 1,580 children who died as a result of abuse and neglect — between four and five children a day. However, studies also indicate significant undercounting of child maltreatment fatalities by state agencies — by 50% or more. That's roughly ¼ of your child's elementary school class. More than 70% of the children who died as a result of child abuse or neglect were two years of age or younger. More than 80% were not yet old enough for kindergarten. Around 80% of child maltreatment fatalities involve at least one parent as perpetrator."

There are over 125,000,000 adult women in the USA. Women are loving and tenacious and can move mountains for our children. Let's define ourselves by commonalities and work together to solve these five problems I described above FIRST. Frankly, the men in power will not and have not.

Perhaps a modern day abortion cease-fire is the solution - leave Roe v. Wade alone and quit passing state laws to marginalize abortion access - until every child in every home is safe and healthy. We can work on the problems in which we all agree and focus on our similar priorities instead of wasting limited and valuable resources on the differences. Your priorities are how you spend your time.

... then we will prioritize the next five problems and the next five problems ... and eventually we will get to abortion ethics which I promise you will be much less of a stalemate at that point.

Please bring up every one of these reference sites and read them. All the statistics in this post are from these sites. These are just a few of the resources defining the problems facing women and children with facts and statistics.

https://www.fosterclub.com/article/statistics-foster-care

http://www.tlc4kids.org/blog/admin/02-17-2015/foster-care-statistics

https://adoption.com/photolisting

https://singlemotherguide.com/single-mother-statistics/

http://singleparents.about.com/od/statebystateresources/p/child_support_statistics.htm

https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse-statistics/

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/births.htm

http://www.hhs.gov/ash/oah/adolescent-health-topics/reproductive-health/teen-pregnancy/trends.html