Your Unique Gift Makes An Everyday Hero

A woman I admire tremendously shared the concept of being an everyday hero recently. It so touched my heart and my mind. The literal meaning of the word hero is “protector,” “defender,” or “guardian.” And everyday means "happening or used every day; daily."

Then another incredible woman posted this to Facebook:

The gift you carry for others is not an attempt to save the world but to fully belong to it. It’s not possible to save the world by trying to save it. You need to find what is genuinely yours to offer the world before you can make it a better place. Discovering your unique gift to bring to your community is your greatest opportunity and challenge. The offering of that gift—your true self—is the most you can do to love and serve the world. And it is all the world needs. —Bill Plotkin

Each day I feel like I live in an insane world. I am not exaggerating. Every single day I read about a something that has occurred that hurts people.

Inspiration means "stimulated to do or feel something." So, it is fortunate that I am reminded that in "good versus evil" that the good guy can win through love and service. And hope which is "a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen" is important.

These two inspirational women and so many others like them are everyday heroes acting on their unique true gift to love and serve the world which will make our world a better place. 

And I have found my place for the moment. I will protect my foster child everyday with my true self.

#fostercare #trueself #lovetheworld #servetheworld #inspirationandhope

What We Know But Really Do Not Know

D doing puzzle all by himself! 

Eight weeks has passed with D being our foster son and our first placement. I think foster care is characterized by surprises and unknowns which ironically should be no surprise.

First ... Current State 

D is fully integrated with our home, our family and our lifestyle. He is happy and thriving at school. D is swimming; he is a beginner but big progress and he thoroughly enjoys being in our pool! D is attending a two night sleep-away foster kiddo camp next week and is super excited.

D has played outside with neighborhood kids a couple times. He is so incredibly sweet and loving and welcoming ... D has a wonderful enthusiasm for meeting new people and befriending them.

We are working on eating healthy foods with D but we have moved toward some of his favorite cultural foods too. We all like the tasty El Salvadorian pupusas served with a refreshing coleslaw. We are cooking fresh dough tortillas and eating them with frijoles, both purchased from Fiesta. SO DANG GOOD! I may gain a few pounds - ha!

One of the more critical aspects of foster care is that weekly supervised family visits are required. With D, family visits are not currently with his Mom or Dad but with his extended family. We have had four visits so far and all have taken place at the CPS office. CPS will transport a foster child to and from visits but this service can be chaotic and unpredictable. Fortunately, I have been able to take D to each visit. The last two have gone exceptionally well relative to D's emotional state. He enjoys the visits and is not upset when it is time to leave.

D stops and says with a slight accent "Ronda"
Me responding "Yes Sweetie?"
D says matter of factly "I want my Dad and my Mom."
Me with a calm voice "Yes I know you miss them. It is really hard."
D looks at me with his big brown eyes simply needing the recognition of his feelings and continues to happily put together his puzzle while singing.

What We Know But Really Do Not Know

D's next court date is Friday, June 8. 

Option 1 - There is a kinship home study being conducted so D and his toddler brother can possibly move in with a relative. Kinship care is like foster care but with a relative of the foster child. We are unclear on who the home study is with and we are also unclear on when it was or will be completed. Apparently CPS home studies are outsourced so another 3rd party must be coordinated into the process. IF complete by June 8 and CPS and the Judge approves then D may move to kinship care and out of our home. This could happen on June 8 or days after depending on stuff.

Option 2 - Kinship home study fails and remediation required at same home to pass. Or another kinship placement identified and a new home study needed. Either way, it is unlikely that kinship approval ready by June 8 court date. Thus, D stays with us longer OR CPS evaluates if D should move to foster home with his toddler brother whose foster family would welcome D. CPS would have to weigh benefits of reuniting D with his brother versus another transition i.e. leaving our home.

Option 3 - Kinship home study fails and kinship placement is not an option. D will stay with us longer OR CPS determines if moving D to foster home with his toddler brother is best especially since timeframe may be longer for foster care.

Option 4 - D's parents or one parent becomes available to care for D. The various possibilities from this actually happening are too numerous to list at this point.

I currently do not have summer care set up as I am hoping to get a clearer idea soon of what may or may not happen.

The Foster Care Team Update

1) Jonathan's Place (JP) Caseworker (Agency Caseworker) - NEW UPDATE - I have learned that when the JP Caseworker went over D's Service Plan with me that CPS was invited and CASA Volunteer and Guardian Ad Litem were supposed to join too. None of these parties joined us. The next Service Plan update is required in 180 days so they will be invited then and hopefully all will work together on D's behalf contributing their expertise.

2) CVS Caseworker (CPS Conservatorship Caseworker)  NEW UPDATE - CVS Caseworker spent about 30 minutes at our house on Thursday (May 24) where she met D for the first time. I was able to talk with her as well.

3) Guardian Ad Litem (Attorney for the foster child) The Guardian Ad Litem met D on Saturday (May 12th) at our home. He will be forming his recommendation for the June 8 court date.

4) CASA Volunteer (Child advocate volunteer) - NEW UPDATE -CASA Volunteer went to last family visit on Friday (May 25) where she met the new CVS Caseworker assigned.

5) Therapist Evaluation - NEW UPDATE -The evaluating therapist, Dr. J, will recommend a therapist to help D with his sadness at the loss of his family.  It appears they are short handed so D may get an appointment in July.

6) Biological Family - NEW UPDATE -The biological family for D includes Mom, Dad, grandmothers, an aunt, cousins and other young relatives. D also has a toddler brother in another foster care home. There is a request for kinship care (not Mom or Dad) and a CPS home study is in process. The last two family visits have gone well and have been with a grandmother, an aunt and a couple young relatives. The situation is complicated. 

7) Judge - The Judge is ultimately the decision maker for just about everything.

The next court date is June 8.

8) CPS 3rd Party Home Study Entity  - NEW RESOURCE - CPS contracts with 3rd parties to conduct home studies. In D's situation, the 3rd party will assess the kinship home request and complete a report. D's situation is complex and this new resource will need to get up-to-speed on all the moving parts.

9) Foster Sitters - NEW UPDATE -We had our newly certified Foster Sitter #1 sit with D a couple of times!  So thankful to her. Oldest Son is now certified! Youngest Son will complete CPR tonight. My Dad is working on requirements. Our JP Caseworker worked with an additional Foster Sitter #2 to provide her the Medication Administration Training. We did learn today that Foster Sitters also have to have Transportation Safety Training in order to drive foster kids anywhere. Oy Vey. Thankfully, the Foster Sitters can do this training online.

#notsilent #fostercare #fosterparent #fosterson #fostercourt

Glimpes ...

Playing soccer with neighbor kids :)

If We Don't Stand Up for Children ...

The world I want to live in takes care of children no matter what. There are no circumstances where a country, a government, a society, a community, a school, an organization or an adult does not protect and care for its children. Each of these entities is defined by its choices and priorities.

Children do not choose how they are born, where they are born and to whom they are born. Minors have zero control over what horrors can be and are inflicted on them. Yet there is a never ending list of atrocities happening this very minute to children in every corner of the world, here are a few examples and is in no way a full list:

• The child refugee crisis is the worst it has been since WWII. Many, many millions of children are fleeing brutal conflict and extreme poverty. This includes kids from Syria, Iraq, Yemen, Burundi, Myanmar and the South Sudan. Countries taking in these child refugees include Uganda, Tanzania, Lebanon, Bangladesh, Egypt, Ethiopia, Kenya and Kenya. I think what is most notable about the second list is what countries are not listed.

• "Among the 1.3 million people who sought asylum in Europe in 2015 were nearly a hundred thousand unaccompanied children. Most were from Afghanistan and Syria. Thirteen per cent were younger than fourteen years old. The data for 2016 are incomplete, but the situation is comparable ... At an age at which most kids need supervision to complete their homework, these children cross continents alone."

• Human trafficking of children where they are used for sexual exploitation, pornography, forced labour, soldiers, slaves, forced or sham marriages and benefit fraud. While 28 per cent of detected trafficking victims worldwide are children, in regions such as Sub-Saharan Africa, and Central America and the Caribbean children comprise 62 and 64 per cent of victims, respectively.

• The number of asylum seekers including children and young people from El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras and Mexico and increased dramatically in recent years due to the increasingly targeted violence in their countries.

• "At least half of the states in the U.S. have seen their foster care capacity decrease between 2012 and 2017. Either these states have fewer beds and more foster youth, or any increase in beds has been dwarfed by an even greater increase in foster children and youth." 

• On any given day, there are over 400,000 foster care kids in U.S. of which over half will remain in care for almost two years. The number in Texas ranges from 25,000 to 30,000 foster kids with over 3,500 needing adoptive parents.

• Far too many foster children get stuck in the system, having neither their biological family nor a permanent adoptive family. In 2014 alone, more than 22,000 young people were discharged from foster care and sent to live on their own. 

• There are 15.5 million U.S. kids living in poverty. Kids in the U.S. experience higher poverty rates than most developed nations. Only Greece, Mexico, Israel and Turkey have higher child poverty rates than the U.S.

• Extreme poverty, measured at $1.90 per person per day, disproportionately affects children –387 million, or 19.5% of the world’s children live in extreme poverty compared to just 9.2% of adults. Children represent half of the poor yet are just one third of the underlying population.

• Fill in the Bullet ... the shameful number of ways we do not take care of children in this world and in the U.S. seems endless to me ... I did not even get to healthcare, abuse and education ...

We do not take care of our kids; define "WE" in a zillion different ways.

AND now, we have the American government with a stated policy of separating children from parents who arrive at our borders. From what I have gathered from reading and actual cases described by ACLU, this impacts those attempting illegal entry but also may and has applied to those seeking asylum - it appears to be happening before due process. 

John Kelly, White House Chief of Staff, had the audacity to say when asked about this practice "The children will be taken care of — put into foster care or whatever. But the big point is they elected to come illegally into the United States and this is a technique that no one hopes will be used extensively or for very long." Exactly how did "the child" who is being separated from their parent "elect to come illegally?"

Please note our own U.S. foster care system is woefully underfunded, understaffed and under-resourced. Texas has been found by a federal court to not be meeting the constitutional rights of foster care children in Texas. We KNOW these children of trauma (i.e. all foster kids) will have to overcome multitude of challenges that may hinder their ability to become healthy, productive, independent adults who our U.S. society will then view with scorn once they hit the magical age 18 if everything is not "just fine."

BUT hey, according to Kelly, we can place these children removed at the border in "foster care or whatever" ... because we have so much extra capacity and we are doing it so well now ... yes that is full of sarcasm.

Does anyone think that the juvenile detention centers are actually caring for these children properly without further trauma? Do we think these facilities are free from abuse? Do we believe they are all safe? Do we think these kids are getting a developmentally appropriate education? Do we believe they are getting healthy food, adequate exercise and proper medical attention? 

AND Department of Health and Human Services officials told Congress last month that they had lost track of nearly 1,500 unaccompanied migrant children who had been placed with adult sponsors. Does anyone actually believe these lost kids are safe? 

This is not a political post. It is a post about how one chooses to live and view the human rights of every person. No life is more valuable than another. All children deserve love; they deserve a chance.

I will end repeating how I started:

The world I want to live in takes care of children no matter what. There are no circumstances where a country, a government, a society, a community, a school, an organization or an adult does not protect and care for its children. Children do not choose how they are born, where they are born and to whom they are born. Minors have zero control over what horrors can be and are inflicted on them. 

SOURCES
https://www.unicefusa.org/mission/emergencies/child-refugees
https://www.savethechildren.org/us/what-we-do/emergency-response/refugee-children-crisis
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/02/27/europes-child-refugee-crisis
https://www.rescue.org/
https://www.humanrightsfirst.org/resource/human-trafficking-numbers
https://www.unodc.org/unodc/en/frontpage/2016/December/almost-a-third-of-trafficking-victims-are-children_-unodc-report.html
https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/seeking-asylum-in-the-u-s-under-trump
https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/01/world/asylum-process-refugee-migrant-immigration-trnd/index.html
https://www.wola.org/analysis/fact-sheet-united-states-immigration-central-american-asylum-seekers/
https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/11/30/567615510/number-of-american-children-in-foster-care-increases-for-4th-consecutive-year
http://theconversation.com/the-hidden-harms-of-the-us-foster-care-system-49700
https://www.dallasnews.com/news/child-protective-services/collection/cps-evolving-foster-care-crisis-texas
https://txchildren.org/posts/2018/1/26/texas-should-begin-implementing-parts-of-of-the-foster-care-order-now
https://www.adoptuskids.org/adoption-and-foster-care/how-to-adopt-and-foster/state-information/texas
https://www.children.org/global-poverty/global-poverty-facts/facts-about-poverty-in-usa
https://data.unicef.org/topic/overview/child-poverty/
http://www.businessinsider.com/john-kelly-family-separation-policy-illegal-border-crossing-2018-5
https://psmag.com/news/children-will-now-be-separated-from-their-parents-at-the-u-s-border
http://thehill.com/homenews/media/389572-rick-santorum-migrant-children-the-government-lost-track-of-arent-lost

#notsilent #WhereAreTheChildren #fostercare #fosterparent #StandUpForChildren

Wisdom in Unexpected Places

7:30am:  This morning as we head to car to go to school.

D says as he skips to car: "I'm going to have a fun day at school."

Me: "Why are you going to have a fun day?"

D says with confidence "I'm not sad. I'm not angry. I am happy."

Then D says from his booster seat "The sun is coming out. I did not have a bad dream ..."

This exchange gave me pause and I have thought about it allot today. There is so much wisdom packed into this spontaneous moment:

• The resilience of a child is a miracle of the human brain and body.
• The ability to look at a new day and declare a state of mind.
• Expressing one's feelings out load and clearly for all to hear.
• Celebrating the ordinary that is also spectacular.
• Appreciating a simple life victory that is sometimes defined by getting through the night.

Just Wow.

The Foster Care Team Update

1) Jonathan's Place (JP) Caseworker (Agency Caseworker) - Our JP Caseworker spent almost three hours at our house on May 9th. He went over D's service plan with me, provided Medication Administration Training to our future sitters, brought D underwear and uniforms and visited with D.

2) CVS Caseworker (CPS Conservatorship Caseworker)  NEW UPDATE - I have exchanged a couple emails with the new CVS Caseworker but I have not talked with her yet. There is a family visit scheduled for tomorrow, May 18th.

3) Guardian Ad Litem (Attorney for the foster child) NEW UPDATE -The Guardian Ad Litem met D last Saturday (May 12th) at our home. He will be forming his recommendation for the June 8th hearing.

4) CASA Volunteer (Child advocate volunteer) - No recent contact with CASA Volunteer.

5) Therapist Evaluation - The evaluating therapist, Dr. J, will recommend a therapist to help D with his sadness at the loss of his family. We have not gotten any information on a therapist for D yet.

6) Biological Family - NEW UPDATE -The biological family for D includes Mom, Dad, grandmothers, an aunt and cousins. D also has a toddler brother in another foster care home. There is a request for kinship care (not Mom or Dad) and a CPS home study is in process. The situation is complicated. The next family visit is tomorrow, May 18th, after school at CPS offices.

7) Judge - The Judge is ultimately the decision maker for just about everything.

The next court date is June 8th.

8) Foster Sitters - NEW UPDATE -We had our newly certified Foster Sitter sit with D last Tuesday! So thankful to her.

Glimpes ...

D's first time to the zoo. We had a really fun Mother's Day looking at all the animals and feeding the giraffes!

Sam was a trooper riding the little kid train with D. He might be a tad bit tall - LOL.

Giving D the words to describe his feelings is important. I think this chart hanging in his room helped prompt his comments this morning :) 

After school snack at Target Starbucks for D - happy that we found a reasonably healthy snack he really likes. This "sandwich" has egg whites, cheese and turkey bacon.

Generous Target gift card supplies D with Summer PJs, water sandals, swim shirt and kid toiletries.

My Mother's Day Poem 2018: HARD

The teen mother had a baby girl
It must have been hard
The young family welcomed a son
They were complete until they were not

The dead mother leaves a little girl
It was so hard
There was no more family
They are all left with lives unfulfilled

The little girl becomes woman
It was hard without a mother's love
She begot a family
The two sons encompass her heart

The woman knows loss
The hard part never really goes away
A family torn apart is familiar
She is compelled to help

This woman will mother others
It is hard
The need to is too great to evade
Too many families broken

Flawed mothers have children
They try hard to be different
But it does not always work
Children are abandoned 

The mother will foster other hearts
Hard will be defined in unimaginable ways
But the call is too loud
Maybe a heart will be less empty ...

Heartbreaking and Heartwarming

Oldest Son, Youngest Son, Foster Sitters and our JP Caseworker start Medical Administration Training

A friend described this foster care experience as heartbreaking and heartwarming. 
Heartbreaking is that foster care must exist. 
Heartwarming is that foster care does exist.

Heartwarming
Laughter rang loud through my house this evening. Four giving women plus our two teens gathered around our table to be trained about Medication Administration. Our Jonathan's Place Caseworker volunteered to hold a training session at our house which made it so much more convenient for these six "students." The requirements for Foster Sitters include CPR/First Aid Training, Background Check, TB Test and Medication Administration Training as well as some legal-like documents.

As a foster care family, it is important to create a support system around us. Our Foster Sitters are an essential element for support in all kinds of ways. I am so grateful to this trusted group and their extra efforts to join our journey. They are compassionate, smart, progressive, loving AND I really like hanging out with all of them because they are seriously fun!
Foster care brings people together.

Heartwarming
We have signed D up for a 2 night/3 day summer camp for Foster Kids that takes place in early June. The camp is provided free of charge and appears to be funded by a local church. Activities at camp include swimming, water slides, horseback riding, go-karts, arts and crafts, "birthday" parties, petting zoos and other summer fun. Honestly, I have some normal "mom worry" that he might be a little scared to be away from us but I think he will also really enjoy it. D has such a loving and sincere heart.
Foster care brings community organizations together.

Heartwarming
I am so proud of Commuter Husband, Oldest Son and Youngest Son. They have all adapted without skipping a beat. D is such a funny, friendly and loving addition to our household.

• D sweetly told me "I miss --- when he is in Houston."
• D cheers for Youngest Son at lacrosse games "Get the ball ----!"
• D excitedly asked  "Can I show ---?" when he learns to jump into pool at his lesson and wants to show Oldest Son in our pool.
• D says "You are beautiful and I love you" in the middle of the night as I take him back to bed and tuck him in when he is scared.

D is starting to acquire language for his new world. At night as I sit with him as he falls to sleep, he recites "You are my foster mom?" and "--- is my foster Dad?" and "---- is my foster brother?" and "--- is my foster brother?" and I softly tell him yes and that we will care for him and keep him safe as long as he is with us.
Foster care brings our family together.

The Foster Care Team Update

1) Jonathan's Place (JP) Caseworker (Agency Caseworker) - NEW UPDATE - Our JP Caseworker spent almost three hours at our house tonight. He went over D's service plan with me, provided Medication Administration Training to our future sitters, brought D underwear and uniforms and visited with D.

2) CVS Caseworker (CPS Conservatorship Caseworker)  NEW UPDATE - We have a new CPS resource which is the CVS Caseworker. This transition happened after the May 4th court date. I have not had any contact with her yet. There is no family visit scheduled this week.

3) Guardian Ad Litem (Attorney for the foster child) NEW UPDATE -We finally made contact with D's attorney. We expect him to visit D this Saturday at our home. I am anxious to discuss the May 4th court date with him as well as the next court date set for early June.

4) CASA Volunteer (Child advocate volunteer) - No recent contact with CASA Volunteer.

5) Therapist Evaluation - The evaluating therapist, Dr. J, will recommend a therapist to help D with his sadness at the loss of his family. We have not gotten any information on a therapist for D yet.

6) Biological Family - NEW UPDATE -The biological family for D includes Mom, Dad, grandmothers, an aunt and cousins. D also has a toddler brother in another foster care home. There is a request for kinship care (not Mom or Dad) and the May 4th court date set that in motion. A CPS home study is scheduled. The situation is complicated.

7) Judge - NEW UPDATE -The Judge is ultimately the decision maker for just about everything.

The first court date was May 4 and the next is scheduled for early June.

8) Foster Sitters - NEW UPDATE -We have one Foster Sitter completely approved! Five to go.

Glimpses ...

Oldest Son playing with D in the pool - water a bit chilly for me! D LOVES his swim lessons and playing in the pool.

D is so bright and smart. He is following step by step directions to put together lego sets.

Big Day Tomorrow

Our Artist!

Foster care is an ever evolving puzzle. We are are working together with D's Foster Care Team to solve the many moving pieces.

Family Visits and Kinship

We have to remember that the goal of foster care is family reunification. The system is set up to support that guiding principle. The premise is that the best home for kids is with their parents as long as they are safe. Thus, weekly visits with family are customary. These visits make sense to keep the family in touch but they can be disruptive as well - complex emotions are surfaced with these visits.

For many reasons, D's first family visit was chaotic and extremely difficult. It took D three days to recover. The second visit was on Monday this week and SO much better! The CASA Caseworker and the CPS/CVS Caseworker were both there to supervise. D left with a few tears running down his cheeks but was able to go back to school. His first swim lesson that afternoon was well timed because he was tremendously excited and was jubilant in the pool. D has been his normal engaging self the rest of the week.

Tomorrow is an important day for D's future. The 14 day hearing (required after removal) that was postponed is tomorrow, May 4. His family situation is complicated even for foster care scenarios. The Judge will need to decide if there will be a kinship placement (kinda like foster care with a relative) and which family member will be considered. If granted then CPS might do a kinship home study, background checks and drug tests to make sure the kinship home is safe and appropriate - this part is unclear to me. Hopefully, D would stay with us while all this is happening. And D's toddler brother would stay with his foster family too. We hope to know more tomorrow ...

Knowing D

We are getting to know D better each day. For example, we did not realize D wore glasses until last Friday. We requested that the family bring the glasses so I was able to pick up from CPS office yesterday. 

D's first language is Spanish. It is interesting that he and I are able to communicate in English very well. He loves Word Party on Netflix; he is so funny when he sings and responds to the questions from the show. I think the program is perfect for helping increase his English vocabulary. I must admit I am NOT up-to-date on the best kid programs but working on it. 

His six year old heart is so true. He actually thanked me for waking him up yesterday morning. When I asked him how school was today, he told me enthusiastically it was "good, really really good." We read Go Dog Go last night and when I finished he sweetly asked if I could read it again and I did of course! Each day he mentions missing his Dad and Mom. 

The Foster Care Team Update

1) Jonathan's Place (JP) Caseworker - NEW UPDATE - Our JP Caseworker is scheduled to come to the house next Wednesday. This is the monthly follow up and D's service plan visit. He will also provide Medical Administration Training to our future babysitters so we will have several at our home for this training - Yeah!

2) CVS Caseworker (CPS Conservatorship Caseworker)  NEW UPDATE - I met the "CPS worker" on Monday and talked with her yesterday. I think I was confused on her role due to the 14 day hearing being postponed. I think she is the CPS Investigator who makes a recommendation to the DA and Judge. She now rolls off tomorrow after the hearing. We get a new CPS contact tomorrow that is the CVS Caseworker. Our JP Caseworker gave me the CVS Caseworker name and phone number today.

3) Guardian Ad Litem (Attorney for the foster child) D's attorney has not contacted us yet and court date is tomorrow May 4 - this Friday.

4) CASA Volunteer - NEW UPDATE - The CASA Volunteer was at the second family visit last Monday. She cannot be at court Friday, May 4, so her CASA supervisor will be there instead with her report. It is unclear to me exactly how that report is used.

5) Therapist Evaluation - The evaluating therapist, Dr. J, will recommend a therapist to help D with his sadness at the loss of his family. We have not gotten any information on a therapist for D yet.

6) Biological Family - NEW UPDATE -The biological family for D includes Mom, Dad, grandmothers, an aunt and cousins. There is a request for kinship care (not Mom or Dad) and the hearing tomorrow will give us more information on what will happen.

7) Judge - The Judge is ultimately the decision maker for just about everything.
The Court hearing scheduled on May 4.

Glimpses ...

D thoroughly enjoyed the swim lessons this week.

D now has skateboarding pads due to generous gift!

This is the best kid clock ever! It turns GREEN at 7am so D knows when it is time to get out of bed.

Oldest Son playing frisbee with D.