19 Days & C is Gone

Well. Our foster care experience with C is over. He arrived on October 1 and left on October 19. We are exhausted and I feel a bit shell shocked.

In 19 days we experienced:

WEEK 1

• 10/1 - Placement at 9pm (complete online daily report)
• 10/2 - Enroll in school, sign up for YMCA aftercare, cobble together clothes, 3 Day Medical Check Up at Jonathan's Place and special medical tests (complete online daily report)
• 10/3 - Started Kindergarten at local elementary (complete online daily report)
• 10/4 - Gather more clothing from generous friends (complete online daily report)
• 10/5 - 1st Family Visit one hour away from us and CPS transporter used (complete online daily report)
• 10/6 to 10/8 - Arrange for childcare with my Dad as we have plans for ACL Austin trip and arrange zoo visit (complete online daily report)

WEEK 2

• 10/8 to 10/9 - Fly to Indiana for business meeting so arrange care for C while gone
• 10/10 - 30 Day Medical Appointment at Rees-Jones Foster Clinic, Psychological Evaluation at our house, get haircut and new sneakers
• 10/11- 2nd Family Visit one hour away from us and CPS transporter used
• 10/12 - School out and no childcare available
• 10/13 - All day Behavioral Intervention Training at Jonathan's Place
• 10/14 - Complete various paperwork, scan and email out: service plan, placement inventory, proof of school enrollment, medical forms, daily schedule, monthly calendar, etc. (complete online weekly report)

WEEK 3

• 10/15 - CASA Volunteer visits our home and then we go get school uniforms and coat for weather change
• 10/16 - CPS investigator takes C for more medical tests (complete online weekly report)
• 10/17 - Notified C will move to Kinship Foster Care with grandparents
• 10/18 - Pack up C's belongings and go out for last dinner
• 10/19 - C leaves

BEHAVIOR
This precious five year old was very much an up and down experience. He is an engaging boy with a fun personality who likes to tell stories. He is warm and affectionate. C is constantly on the move, eats well and is super smart. C loves to play with cars and legos.

And C is fiercely independent.

C has a story and experiences that shape his young life. Most mornings were pretty awful in getting C up, dressed and off to school. Many bedtimes routines quickly became meltdowns and a child in total distress. His mood swings were epic in that once he was okay then the traumatized child disappeared completely. C was quite adept at not telling the whole truth thus trust was tough and we had some interesting situations. The Behavioral Intervention Training we attended on 10/13 was quite timely and I definitely tried to use some of the techniques with C this past week. We were working on understanding his triggers and looking for ways to minimize the shut down behaviors. I do think we would have eventually stabilized but it was going to take awhile and lots of patience and love.

The sad truth is that C is exhibiting normal behaviors to an abnormal situation. Little kids should not be let down by their parents. Little kids should not be whisked away to a stranger's house to start a new school, see new doctors, interact with police, government agencies, child advocates and lawyers. Little kids should not be afraid. 

So. We gave C a big hug this afternoon. I hope that C's life turns upward and all works out for that little guy ...

C was super excited to get these cool sneakers ... so cute on him!

Youngest Son and C share flan for a last dinner. C gobbled up the flan - he liked it very much!

The two boxes are not books but full of mostly clothes and some toys. The red bag is the "Family Visit Bag" which C would put things into during the week to share with his family during the one hour weekly visit. The blue backpack from Children's Rees-Jones Foster Clinic has the Halloween costume we bought for him. The other backpacks have school papers and miscellaneous stuff.

Going to next Kinship Foster Care home outfit ...

#notsilent #fostercare #fosterparent #fosterson #fosternumber2

C is Five

C's laugh is true and mischievous. He has a twinkle in his eye that peaks out from under a swath of hair. 
C is five.

C was removed from his home on Monday, October 1.
C is five.

C had his first Family Visit Friday. He came home with snacks, four books, an outfit, a calendar book with stickers and photos of his family. He excitedly showed me the items and as he worked through the photos he quickly became upset and started crying. He misses his family. This morning he covered his head under his blanket and had his family photos clutched to him as he cried softly. We validated his feelings of sadness, let him know we are here and patiently waited for him to emerge.
C is five.

C has been laughing and playing Spot It with Papa (my Dad.) He showed a child's happiness at winning the game. Papa and C head out the door for a walk along the creek and C grabs his stick that he found yesterday.
C is five.

I am explaining foster care to C who is five. I am trying to help him learn terms like Court, Judge and CPS. I am helping him understand that a Judge at Court will decide what happens next and that all of us have to do what the Judge says. I have to tell him that I cannot take him home today. 
C is five.

Young kids in foster care are always thinking about their family. I have learned it is good to create a bag for them to place things during the week that they can take to their weekly Family Visit. This usually contains school papers, art work and items they identify during the week. It creates a concrete representation of "when they go home" or when they will see their family next. C took a bag yesterday to his Family Visit with a gifts for his sisters and pictures for his Mama. We started a red bag today and have put art work in it and he placed all his family photos in the bag "for when he goes home."
C is five.

We bought a halloween costume for C this week. It is a policeman outfit. C asked me this morning if he could take home with him. I assure him that he can.
C is five.

We have lots of people and events in C's life so far ... and more will come:
-CASA volunteer
-CPS Transporter
-CPS Investigator
-C's Attorney
-Jonathan's Place Caseworker
-Judge

10/1 - Placement
10/2 - 3 Day Medical Check Up at Jonathan's Place
10/3 - Started Kindergarten in new school
10/4 - 1st court date rescheduled to 10/12
10/5 - 1st Family Visit with transporter
10/10 - 30 Day Medical Appointment scheduled
10/12 - CASA visit scheduled
10/12 - Next court date
C is five.

Trauma is described as negative events that are emotionally painful and overwhelm a person's ability to cope. The types of trauma that tend to have the greatest adverse psychological consequences are those related to interpersonal or intentional trauma. Trauma changes your being. Trauma never just goes away. We do not judge people by how they manage trauma. Children of trauma have no choice.
We have over 450,000 children in foster care in America. And the numbers are not going down. 

Glimpes:

Foster care notice, monthly Calendar, house rules and fire escape plan required to be posted by Texas law. Daily schedule and feeling chart to help with daily interactions.

C made this for me.

Dinner time coloring at restaurant.

Clothes given to C by kind friends.

More clothes given to C by kind friends along with books and puzzle.

Bedtime routine.

Gift of uniforms!

#notsilent #fostercare #fosterparent #fosterson

First 24 Hours - Foster Placement

The last 24 hours have been a whirlwind.

6:06pm - Our Jonathan's Place Caseworker calls to ask us if we would like to take C, a 5 year old boy. We know that he has a 1 year old sister already placed and a 9 year old step sister. And we know he is in a county one hour away. We say yes if we can get help with transport for family weekly visits.

I tear up thinking of a child that is experiencing a trauma that will be a part of his being.

7:00pm - Our Jonathan's Place Caseworker texts me that our placement has been confirmed. Youngest Son and I are eating dinner as we get the news.

I go into a nesting kind of frenzy. Getting things ready, picking up, setting out some toys ...

9:00pm -  CPS arrives to drop off C but it is not the Investigator that did the home removal so she has no information on any details. C cries for his Mom as we get him out of her car. I work to ease his fears and make him feel welcome. Our Jonathan's Place Caseworker comes over as well.  There is LOTS of paperwork to sign. C sits in my lap drawing while we go through all the forms and I sign my name frequently. C has the clothes he is wearing, an empty backpack except for two school folders, a fuzzy ball keychain and some kiddie hand sanitizer - that is it.

10:00pm -  C is left in our care. We go to his room and he immediately spies the feelings face chart. We go through it. I ask him which face describes how he feels at that moment; he points to happy. He picks out a toothbrush and we brush his teeth. C plays legos for awhile with Youngest Son then I read him Go Dog Go and he falls asleep at about 10:45pm.

C has never been in foster care before thus cannot possibly understand the concept. It was the same with D. I am better prepared this time knowing that explaining what foster care is to C will be important and will take some time but I get started.

9:30am -  C is still asleep. I am surprised but so happy he is getting rest.

10:30am -  C has woken up and he is calmly playing with cars in his room.

10:45am -  I make C some eggs, toast, grapes and chocolate milk. He asked for salt and pepper on his eggs. I am thrilled he is eating healthy foods. C is talkative and good natured. He is in the same clothes he arrived in so he is already dressed for the day.

11:30am -  We head to local elementary to enroll C. C told me what elementary he has been attending and that is about all I know. The registrar has never handled a foster child but we fumble through together. We meet C's kindergarten teacher. We visit the school uniform closet - not much there but we manage to get enough to start the week.

Foster kids must be in school within 72 hours. I also have to work so getting to school is critical path. 

12:30pm -  We are at YMCA to enroll for after school care.

1:06pm -  The CPS Investigator calls me while I am at YMCA so I stop to take the call. Foster parents do not ignore phone numbers they do not recognize. He request that I take C for a medical test and attempts to hang up. I stop him and I am able to gather the details in C's case known so far. I learn the first court date will be October 4.

1:45pm -  We arrive to get C's medical test. C asks to go What-A-Burger for lunch - you bet!

2:10pm -  At What-A-Burger C eats a dry cheeseburger, apple slices and milk. Again I am so happy to see him eat well.

3:00pm -  We arrive at Jonathan's Place for his 3 day medical exam. The State of Texas requires all foster children to be looked at within 3 days of placement. We are fortunate that Jonathan's Place has a medical professional onsite on Tuesdays and Fridays. He is in great shape except for a very small area of scabies. So the cream to get rid of them is called into the pharmacy and we are told to wash everything (linens, etc.) in hot water.

4:00pm -  We visit Jonathan's Place Warehouse to try to get some clothes. There was not a allot in his size but we get a few items. C also gets a couple folders needed for school and some toys.

5:20pm -  We go to CVS to find that the cream is $140!! I let them know C has Medicaid. They will process through and the charge will be $0. WHEW.

5:45pm -  We drop by Marshall's to get a few required clothing basics to manage through the week at least.

6:10pm -  We are at home and it is bath time for C. He has a good time in our big bathtub with bubbles. I start figuring out how he is with water and self-care. We apply the cream from head to toe and dress him in sorta PJs (could not really find his size today.) He looks so dang cute.

7:00pm -  I have dinner on the table: salmon (Youngest Son smoked last weekend), spinach salad, baked potatoes, grapes and milk. C eats all of it except for the cucumbers in the salad. I am thrilled. Eating can frequently be a difficult experience with foster kids.

8:00pm - We start establishing a bedtime routine. Brush teeth and read books. As I read to him, I can see him getting quiet. He has been chatty with me all day. I tuck him in and I let him know I will be on couch in his room until he falls asleep. A few minutes later I hear the choking and the tears and the words asking for his Mom. I go hug him, talk to him and find him a stuffed doggie to snuggle. I return to couch. A few moments later he is on the couch wrapped in my arms missing his Mom, Dad, sisters and dogs. I hold him. I talk to him. Eventually I get him back in his bed and he falls asleep at about 9:15pm ...

AND THAT IS THE FIRST 24 HOURS. 
I am definitely more prepared this time and understand the system so much better. C is an engaging little boy with a Texas twang who has a mischievious smile. And here we go ...

A Note on D:
D turned 7 and we went to his birthday party. We loved seeing him and he was super excited to see Youngest Son. D and his toddler brother are still with the wonderful foster family and thriving and loved. D's mother had a healthy baby boy. It is expected that D will stay in foster care for an undetermined amount of time.

GLIMPSES

Youngest Son made this lego car for C and he took it with us on our zillions of Day 1 Foster errands.

Our What-A-Burger stop!

#notsilent #fostercare #fosterparent #fosterson