Thursday, December 1, 2016

Congratulations! Supervised Observation


https://www.jpkids.org/

Congratulations! You can now begin your supervised observation! 

I caught my breath when I saw this first sentence of an email this afternoon. Commuter Husband and I can now start our 40 hours of required observation to be foster care certified in the State of Texas. We have two choices:
  • We can spend time at the Jonathan's Place shelter.
AND/OR
  • We can coordinate visiting an active home. We have been provided a list of 11 families that we can contact.
The last sentence of the email says: "I hope you enjoy your time with the children and that this process helps you in your understanding of them and their needs!"

It just got real, really real. I am energized and nervous and ready.


LEARN MORE ... Here is a 12 minute video "ReMoved"

Please find a few minutes to watch. Let me know your impressions ... 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOeQUwdAjE0

https://removedfilm.myshopify.com/
From the website:
"The ReMoved Films are being created with the intent to bring light to the often unknown subjects of Foster Care and Child Abuse/Neglect. The films educate those who are learning, while simultaneously identifying with those who understand all too well. The films are available online to watch for free. We do this because even though the cost of creating a film is high, we believe these films can have the most impact when they're most easily accessible. 

Our goal is that these films would serve as a key tool in raising up and training good foster parents, social workers, court-appointed special advocates, and the many other adults who interact with children in foster care. To that end, we encourage foster care related agencies and organizations to use the film in their training, outreach, and fundraising endeavors."



Sunday, November 27, 2016

TB and Drug Tests

Youngest Son and Oldest Son filling out paperwork for drug screen and TB test. We have boys fill out ALL their own paperwork for everything (school, sports, doctor, etc.) as we moved further down the path to independence. It is surprising "what they do not know how to do" when we started this practice. 
For example, "You need to memorize your SSN" says me to Youngest Son. His response "Why?"

Our Foster Certification is moving forward inch by inch. Yesterday we made another family outing. Commuter Husband, Oldest Son, Youngest Son and I located the only CareNow location in Dallas that provides drug screening and TB tests for Jonathan's Place.

Each test was $55 for a total of $220 for our family of four. Each family member over the age of fourteen must be tested. We are fortunate to be able to afford these costs but I do think this is another financial consideration that could be challenging for potential foster care families.
Youngest Son delivers urine specimen to technician and electronically signs necessary form.
My TB poke. We cannot cover with band aid and cannot itch. We must go back within 48 to 72 hours to have it read. Commuter Husband will have to do it in Houston.


Here is where we are in the Foster Care process:
  • July to Sep: 42 hours of in person training completed by Commuter Husband and me
  • Oct: Our four family members completed background checks including fingerprinting
  • Nov: Our four family members completing drug screens and TB testing
Next steps and hopeful timing:
  • Nov to Dec: Commuter Husband and I to complete remaining independent training (online and reading.)
  • Dec to Jan: Commuter Husband and I to complete 40 hours of observation in foster homes or shelters.
  • Jan to Feb: Home Study completed including several updates we will need to make our home compliant.

LEARN MORE ... Is this how we want the State of Texas and Texans to care for these children?

1) Outrage is not enough.
In early November, special masters hired to scrutinize the system made over 50 recommendations. They include reducing caseloads, adding training and mentor programs, and giving new caseworkers more ramp-up time. Last week, Attorney General Ken Paxton filed a brief that objected to every recommendation.

http://www.dallasnews.com/opinion/editorials/2016/11/25/tax-cutting-texas-balance-foster-care-crisis-latest-evidence

2) The State of Texas says "We really need you to step up," Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick told participants in the Faith Leader Summit at the Texas Capitol.


http://www.dallasnews.com/news/texas-legislature/2016/11/02/faith-groups-urged-help-texas-solve-shortage-foster-care-beds

3) In December 2015, Federal Judge finds Texas has "broken" foster care system
Long-term foster care in Texas is “broken” and routinely does grave harm to children already dealt a tough hand, a federal judge ruled.

U.S. District Judge Janis Graham Jack of Corpus Christi said the state violated the Constitution by keeping about 12,000 youngsters for years in an underfunded and poorly run system “where rape, abuse, psychotropic medication and instability are the norm.”

http://www.dallasnews.com/news/politics/2015/12/17/federal-judge-finds-texas-has-broken-foster-care-system-says-shell-order-changes

Friday, October 28, 2016

My Finite Heart

I have been to three funerals in three weeks. Each of these precious souls lived full lives and left a beautiful legacy of family. Truly, these memorial events were celebrations of their earthly life.

So I have been thinking about losing our loved ones.

It has been two years since we lost my grandmother and my sister-in-law. I think of them both several times a week. I like to think of their laugh. Each one had a distinctive and infectious laugh. I also think about things I could have done differently. They were human in their imperfectness ... just as I am.

I have this vision of my finite heart. When these people, that are a part of who I am, dies then they take a piece of my heart with them and I am with them for eternity. I can never replace that missing piece and I know it is not there.

And I wonder, how many heart pieces can I lose before there is more missing than present?




Sunday, October 23, 2016

Family Finger Prints Oh My

Finger prints on a Fall day ... 
Saturday we had a family outing. Husband, Oldest Son, Youngest Son and I went for background checks as a requirement of foster care licensing. Anyone age 14 and older in the household must have a background check including finger prints.

The Process
In August, we turned in all the information on the four of us to set up the background check process. In September, Jonathan's Place submitted our information to IndentoGo and we received four notifications via email for each member of the family. We then set up our appointments online. Fortunately, the Carrollton location had Saturday appointment times. The IndentoGo was hidden in the Sylvan Learning Center so took us a bit of sleuthing to locate.  Every member of the family now has a full set of finger prints and both thumbs in "the system." It took 40 minutes and we paid about $150 to accomplish this particular step of the foster care process. There are several expenses to becoming foster care licensed which I find to be unfortunate as it could be a financial hardship for many people wishing to be foster parents.

After
Afterward we shared a fun lunch at Eggsellent Cafe. Food is always a big winner with teen boys and this was a new restaurant for us. Husband and I used this as an opportunity to update the boys on where we are in the foster care process and provide a chance for questions. Oldest Son and Youngest Son were both pretty nonchalant about the concept. While Husband and I are going through hours and hours of training, there is absolutely none for biological children in the prospective foster home. I anticipate we will proactively have the boys watch some videos and develop our own "preparation course" for them.
Next door to the background check location.
Family of Four. Eats.
One Reason ...
The decision to foster children is multi-layered for our family. One reason includes embarking on a life experience together as a family. How many families get to do background checks together? Ha! On a more serious note, we will learn together, grow together and change the world together. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that we are meant to love a child that needs their community to embrace them.

Learn More About Foster Care ...
Husband sent me an article the past week. The University of California, Irvine has released a sudy that overall foster kids faced two to three times higher risks of physical health issues such as asthma, obesity and hearing and vision problems. And they were five to seven times more likely to have behavioral issues or symptoms of depression or anxiety. While the study findings aren't surprising, they're important since they quantify the risks these children face. 
Read more here:
CLICK HERE FOR UPI ARTICLE
CLICK HERE FOR UC ARTICLE
CLICK HERE FOR PUBLISHED STUDY: Mental and Physical Health of Children in Foster Care

Sunday, October 16, 2016

An Election Leads to New Places


Four months since last post so what have I been doing  ...

I am deeply troubled by the political landscape of this 2016 election year. I do not make voting decisions strictly along a party line or a specific candidate or a list of narrowly defined issues. My voting decisions blur into the grey areas that are defined based on the multitude of complicated factors each election year. This year's election was causing me great anxiety. I had to figure out how to reconcile the craziness in my head.


First I considered how can I personally impact change. Only stating my position along with the requisite talking, whining and blustering is not for me. Doing nothing is also NOT an option. This post will now take a dramatic turn that seems unrelated but it is not ...


We are working our way towards becoming foster parents. When I say WORKING our way through then I am not exaggerating. The process from that first thought to actually having a child in our home is daunting.

To say Husband was surprised when I suggested this route is an understatement of ginormous proportions. It took us a month to agree to start and we have mutually agreed to consciously use each step to test movement forward. I first had to choose a non-profit agency to sponsor our certification. I did not realize it would not be with CPS and the State of Texas directly. I found Jonathan's Place fairly quickly and turns out Oldest Son donated his birthday presents there several years ago and we had toured it at the time. I took that as a sign!

Husband and I spent an entire weekend in July doing PRIDE training, August completing paperwork and homework and September completing the in-person training. In-person training includes:

July 2016
·       July                                Foster/Adopt Parent Orientation - 1 hour and PRIDE - Saturday and Sunday 9am-6pm, 9am-6pm

September 2016
·       September  10                Behavior Intervention Techniques 9am –5pm
·      September 17                 CPR/First Aid 9am – 12pm
·       September 17                 CAIPR Training – 12:30pm – 1:30pm
·       September 17                 Medication Administration (instructor led) 1:30pm –3:30pm
·       September 17                 JP Policies and Procedures/Introduction to KaleidaCare 3:30pm – 5:30pm
·       September 24                 Trauma Informed Care 9am-5 pm

In September, Commuter Husband shared with me that perhaps we MIGHT be able to pull this off and he was feeling more comfortable. So we kept moving on to the next step. This coming Saturday (October 22), we are scheduled to complete background checks including fingerprinting for all four members of our family.

We are approaching one task at a time hoping to complete certification requirements next February or so. We are seeking to provide foster care or respite care only - no adoption. For now, we are only considering an elementary age child with basic level needs.

Now back to those first two paragraphs ... to the part where I need to DO something to change the swirl of truly disturbing happenings worldwide that show up on my news feed every single depressing day. So, I choose the approximately 500,000 children in foster care who have suffered trauma. Read that number over and over and over and over ... and note it does not appear on any election platform.

Obviously this story has much more to say. This is only a beginning.

Monday, June 6, 2016

Panama - Heading Out

Unplugged. 

I cannot remember the last time I went on vacation without my laptop. It has been fifteen years at least. No laptops going to Panama for Husband or me.

Oldest Son and Youngest Son have no electronics of any kind. Zilch. We simply told them no.

Husband and I have iPhones but plan to minimize use and can only access with wifi. Our tent  lodge on the island beach is quite remote so internet not easily accessable. Blogging is iffy.

Here is what the beginning of our journey looks like ...
Oldest Son printed out 60 pages of writings by Carl Schmidt to bring with him. I had to google Schmidt.  Born in Germany in 1888, he is described as a philosopher, jurist, political theorist and professor of law. Oh and he was a Nazi. Not exactly lite beach reading.

Husband made a trip to Barnes & Noble to purchase the next book from the ninja series by Nicholas Linnear.

Youngest Son finally acquiescenced to buying a book at the airport when the reality of "nothing to do" during many hours of travel hit him. He just finished  To Kill a Mockingbird so Harper Lee's next book was his choice.

I pulled this off my bookshelf. I tried to read Life of Pi before and did not get too far. Trying again ...

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Woman & Child First - A Plea for Action


I propose that our society prioritize. There are endless good causes and issues in which people are passionate. I am a feminist and am thankful every day that I was born in the USA. However, there are still serious problems impacting women and children in this country. And the atrocities committed against women and children around the world are heartbreaking.

I understand that abortion is a difficult topic. The fact is that abortions are legal in this country at this time and have been for over 40 years. I am outraged to think of the money, time and energy that has been expended to challenge the legalities.

People get some common sense. Let us unite and change the conversation. I would like every minute and every dollar spent to maintain or overturn Roe v. Wade to be diverted as follows:

  • All 463,000 children in foster care are adopted or in a loving, safe home.
  • Single mothers living at or below the poverty level are provided job training, affordable childcare and assistance to gain employment allowing them to pay all expenses without welfare. There are 8,000,000 homes with children being raised without a father and below the poverty line. 
  • Ensure all single mothers receive child support from the father from the moment birth occurs whether married or not. Over 25% of custodial parents do not received child support as awarded and these are just the ones that actually get to court. 
  • Provide affordable and easy access to birth control from the time a woman is able to have a child. 40.2% of births are to unmarried women. There were 249,000 babies born to females ages 15 - 19 in 2014.
  • Eliminate child abuse that includes physical, sexual, emotional and neglect.
 "Annually, there 6,600,000 referrals to state child protective services of which there are 3,200,000 children subject to investigation. The were 702,000 children who are victims of maltreatment in 2014. In 2014, state agencies identified an estimated 1,580 children who died as a result of abuse and neglect — between four and five children a day. However, studies also indicate significant undercounting of child maltreatment fatalities by state agencies — by 50% or more. That's roughly ¼ of your child's elementary school class. More than 70% of the children who died as a result of child abuse or neglect were two years of age or younger. More than 80% were not yet old enough for kindergarten. Around 80% of child maltreatment fatalities involve at least one parent as perpetrator."

There are over 125,000,000 adult women in the USA. Women are loving and tenacious and can move mountains for our children. Let's define ourselves by commonalities and work together to solve these five problems I described above FIRST. Frankly, the men in power will not and have not.

Perhaps a modern day abortion cease-fire is the solution - leave Roe v. Wade alone and quit passing state laws to marginalize abortion access - until every child in every home is safe and healthy. We can work on the problems in which we all agree and focus on our similar priorities instead of wasting limited and valuable resources on the differences. Your priorities are how you spend your time.

... then we will prioritize the next five problems and the next five problems ... and eventually we will get to abortion ethics which I promise you will be much less of a stalemate at that point.

Please bring up every one of these reference sites and read them. All the statistics in this post are from these sites. These are just a few of the resources defining the problems facing women and children with facts and statistics.

https://www.fosterclub.com/article/statistics-foster-care
http://www.tlc4kids.org/blog/admin/02-17-2015/foster-care-statistics
https://adoption.com/photolisting
https://singlemotherguide.com/single-mother-statistics/
http://singleparents.about.com/od/statebystateresources/p/child_support_statistics.htm
https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse-statistics/
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/births.htm
http://www.hhs.gov/ash/oah/adolescent-health-topics/reproductive-health/teen-pregnancy/trends.html

Monday, May 16, 2016

Driveway Collisions ... Humor?

Friday Night - The Surprise Discovery
Oldest Son had driven Husband, Youngest Son and me to Village Burger Bar to meet up with friends and have a late dinner. We returned home and as we exited Oldest Son's car, Husband noticed the front right side of Oldest Son's Mitsubishi showed signs of a minor collision. Upon closer inspection, there appeared to be no dents (yeah for that!) but some paint damage with white streaks on the silver paint and additional paint chipping.

Husband and I looked at Oldest Son with shock since he had not mentioned that any kind of accident had occurred. Oldest Son shared with us that he had scraped his car along the white pole of the basketball goal in our driveway. So now Oldest Son had the double whammy: carelessness while driving his vehicle and then not telling his parents immediately.

Inquiries as to why he did not tell us met with the typical teen response "I don't know." Obviously, we were going to find out because the evidence was sitting right in the drive way. Oy vey!
The pesky white pole that got in Oldest Son's way.
Saturday Evening - The Consequences and The Talk
On Saturday evening we sat down with Oldest Son to go through the two sets of consequences. First he will be required to purchase supplies to buff out the damage and apply touch-up paint. Hopefully, the repairs can be done by Oldest Son without expensive body work from a shop. The next ramification is for the illogical choice of not telling Husband and me the damage occurred. We consider taking away his car but decided for this first offense he will be accountable for getting up early this week to take Youngest Son to school daily and he will be responsible for bringing him home as well. He knows the next situation will result in the loss of his automobile. Husband and I delivered the usual speeches to Oldest Son about his safety and the safety of others while operating a moving vehicle and the loss of trust when he does not tell us when stuff happens, etc. Oldest Son handled all calmly and maturely.

Saturday Night - 10 Minutes Later - The Twist
When we, the parents, finished lecturing Oldest Son, he went back to his never ending homework and Husband left to make a quick run to the grocery store. Oddly, I heard Husband come back into the house and he approached me with a sheepish look on his face. Husband proceeded to tell me that he had just hit and scraped Oldest Son's car as he was backing out of the driveway. Unbelievable. Really?!??!

So now Oldest Son's small SUV has a small spot of missing paint on the back right side but again no dents. Husband's red Prius has paint missing all along the back left side that he will need to repair. Husband's "consequence" is to park in front of house during daytime. But hey, at least Husband told us immediately ... sometimes you just have to laugh and go with it ...
The "black" spots around tire and upper back side are supposedly the results of Husband hitting Oldest Son's Mitsubishi while backing out of driveway. Oldest Son's car only has a tiny paint scrape.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Before It Is Too Late

It is Mother's Day and I am thinking of my mother whose life was cut short in 1969 at twenty-two years of age. I was four years old and my brother was sixteen months. I have pieced together a sketchy picture of who she was from photos and conversations from those who knew her. I have no conscious memory of her. A series of events starting with my mother's death and my father marrying again less than one year after her death ultimately resulted in estrangement from my father for most of my life.

Another tragic death occurred in November 2014 when my brother's wife, my sister-in-law, took her own life and ended her mental anguish. My nephew and nieces lost their mother much to soon. The sadness I feel for them is immense knowing all too well what it is like to live motherless.

This story now takes an unexpected shift in November 2014. At that time, my father, Daddy, lived in North Richland Hills, Texas, with my step-mother. They had been married for forty-four years but had no real relationship with my brother, my step-sister, me and six of their collective grandchildren.

Daddy showed up at my sister-in-law's funeral. That day, coincidentally, we ended up at the same Cracker Barrel on I-35 coming home from Waco, Texas after the funeral. Daddy bought lunch for his two children and five grandchildren. Consider the significance of this seemingly unremarkable occurrence: Daddy had not bought me a meal since I was sixteen years old in 1981.

Shortly thereafter in December 2014, I made a decision. Boundaries I had established for over twenty years with Daddy to protect my children and me were no longer needed; while crucial in years past for my own mental health, the boundaries had served their intended purpose. So I called Daddy and asked him if he wanted to stay with Oldest Son and Youngest Son while I traveled to Poland on a business trip in January 2015.  To my surprise, he said yes. Until this time, Daddy had not taken care of the boys and I could count on one hand the number of times he had seen them. All went well with this first chance at reunification.

Throughout 2015, we kept stepping forward, inching our way towards a relationship. We would do what regular families do like actually see each other and talk on the phone. Daddy went out of his way to be with us. Daddy made us a priority. This made all the difference.

Then the unimaginable happened in November 2015. A phone call from Daddy changed everything. Daddy announced he was getting divorced. After four decades of marriage, at age 70, he was finally ridding our family of the evil step-mother. My brother and I were swept into a situation we could not have predicted would ever occur; we were helping Daddy figure out what to do next. The answer was far too simple. Daddy sold his house and moved to Stephenville, Texas to be close to my brother and his kids.

Daddy is now in Stephenville for two reasons. He is there to be with my two nieces (ages 11 and 14) and nephew (a freshman at Tarlington State University) and to help his son, my brother. Daddy rented a house across the street from the girls' schools thus the girls can go to Daddy's house in the afternoons. He helps with car pools and doctor appointments and all the many things that require adult hands. My brother is a single parent raising two daughters thus any and all help is appreciated.

Interacting with Daddy is easy. He is a nice man who tries to go along with whatever we want. He is not difficult and not complicated. We cannot erase nor forget that he abandoned my brother and me for almost forty-five years, most of our life. However, we can believe in second chances and choose not the let the past define the time we have left with him. Relationships require time together or there is no authenticity and no closeness. Daddy has finally chosen to give us his time and presence. It is good for my brother and me but it is priceless for the five grandchildren who have another person to love them.

Today I think about the mothers who left this earth far too soon: my mother who Tom and the boys never met, Husband's mother whom I and the boys never met and my sister-in-law.

The first title for this post was "It Is Never Too Late." Then I wrote the last paragraph and realized it is too late after someone dies especially if they pass suddenly. That feels depressing when my intent was to send out a positive message. I have changed the title to "Before It Is Too Late." We have lost our mothers and the grandmothers of our children. But we have chosen to welcome a grandfather.

There is a message in this story. Cover the distance whether it is emotional or physical to create a relationship that may have been lost ... before it is too late.
Husband is the cutie in the overalls held by his father. Husband's mother is holding his older sister. (Husband does have a younger brother who was not born when this picture was taken.) I never met either of Husband's parents as they both passed before we met.
This is me, my parents and my brother in 1968. This is my Daddy who has re-entered our lives. 
We do not have too many photos with our family of four: Daddy, me, my mother and my brother. Fairly certain this is taken in January 1968 when my brother came home from the hospital.

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Friend Therapy

I am 51 years old. I am self-aware.

I first engaged with a therapist around age thirty and saw her off and on for a couple of years. It was life changing as I worked my way through my childhood and then young adulthood to deal with the many bags I was carrying around. Since that time, I have sought out mental health counsel three additional times when my circumstances felt too heavy to carry alone.

While not an overly frequent reader of self-help books, I have read all or parts of many books to gain understanding of myself and awareness of dynamics in my surrounding world. Some of these books have made a tremendous impact in how I think and approach relationships.

As a parent, I have a similar situation with parenting books. There are a few I have used that have been invaluable. I have also attended various talks and facilitated parent discussions through the years that added to my knowledge bank.

Professionally and personally, I have explored many of the personality tests and associated paradigms. I place a high value in the dialogue these explorations create with myself and others in my life. It is beneficial to gain insight into the complexities of how we are wired and how that impacts all our interactions.

Most of my friends could write the same four paragraphs (above) with adjustments to their particulars. We have made self-education a priority. We have all walked life's path with constant twists and turns. We have first hand experience with tough topics.

I am 51 years old. My emotional intelligence quotient is high.

I suffer bouts of moderate depression mostly characterized by too much time in bed and difficulty motivating myself to complete tasks. I have minor OCD where clutter makes me feel anxious. Clutter is defined in many spaces including physical, electronic, mental and relational. While these labels are accurate, I am highly functioning. The outside does not reflect the inside and there is absolutely no one that knows everything spinning in my head. I am one of those people. I am accepting with this essence of my being. I know me and I know to be vigilant to stay mentally healthy.

I have decided that Friend Therapy is what I want in this last half of my life. There is not anyone who does not need a true friend. A friend that listens and does not pass judgment. But mostly a friend that loves you unconditionally. I want to be that friend and I want to have those friends. Thus, I am being real with my friends. I am saying "help me." We will support each other and remind each other that we all have value. We will make time to be together where talking to each other is the only agenda.

It is my opinion that our society places far too much emphasis on achieving perfection. We are flawed. We make mistakes. We show emotion. We say the wrong things. We fail. We experiment. It happens ... all the time ... to all of us. It is part of the beautiful, crazy, exciting motion of life. It fuels change and creativity and when things go well then it is all the sweeter.

I want to share it all with my friends in Friend Therapy. In my amazingly imperfect world there is a mirror for us to share.


Sunday, May 1, 2016

Victory - Mental?

Husband, Youngest Son and I are on our way to game two in the LAX playoff tournament ...

Husband to Youngest Son "Are you feeling victory this morning?"

Youngest Son replies with all the hubris of a 14 year old "I ALWAYS feel the victory. It runs through my veins."

Saturday, April 30, 2016

7 Things I Have Learned Doing a 3 Day Juice Cleanse

At some point last week, I decided that doing a three day juice cleanse would be a good thing for me. I am working toward eating clean, exercising and trying to clear the clutter in all parts of my life.

I am on day three and here are my conclusions so far:

1. The Gem Organic Juice Bar Is Great
The positive part of this experience is that The Gem in Dallas is a delightful place. The people are helpful and knowledgeable. If you want to do a juice cleanse then I would definitely endorse The Gem. I am drinking six drinks throughout the day along with water. Three of them are green vegetable juice, one is beet based, one is a lemonade type and the final one is a cashew milk.
The Six Pack I started with on Thursday morning from The Gem at Preston and Forest.

2. Drinking Vegetables Is Not For Me
I have discovered that drinking my vegetables is simply not for me. If the mixture is green because of a green vegetable then it does not matter what you put with it, I do not want to drink it. On the other hand, Commuter Husband and Youngest Son think the green vegetable drinks taste wonderful. 

3. Cashew Milk Is Fabulous
After drinking vegetables and fruit all day, the cashew milk is heavenly. I seriously think about that white concoction all day. When Youngest Son asked for a taste, I wanted to say "No way" so that I selfishly got every drop. Alas, my motherly guilt surfaced and I did allow him to take one SMALL sip.

4. My Digestive Tract Is Clearing Out
Supposedly, one of the side effects of a juice cleanse is that it causes constipation. Are you kidding me?!?? I must have an abundance of toxins to release because I have the complete opposite of constipation.

5. Caffeine Headaches Are Not Fun
I love my coffee and the caffeine headache I had for days one and two are proof positive. I finally had to drink green tea yesterday which IS allowed on the cleanse. Commuter Husband looked at me with disappointment this morning when I said no to a cup of coffee and he responded to me in an oddly romantic way "That is something we share." Ahhhh ...

6. Overall I feel Okay And Will Finish Today
These three days without solid food have been manageable. I have been able to function and my energy level is fairly normal. I seriously considered skipping day three and giving my juices to Commuter Husband and Youngest Son. When I mentioned this to Youngest Son this morning, he told me in no uncertain terms that I should finish. Why? Because I should complete what I started. I had a parent happy moment that he instinctively went to a value we have tried to teach the boys. And it had the intended impact. I WILL finish. I WILL FINISH.

7. The Experience Is Worth It
I love new experiences so in some weirdo way I am glad I am doing the three day cleanse. It will help reinforce eating in a clean and healthy paradigm. I look forward to eating the solid food at The Gem and drinking the non-veggie smoothies! Heck, I may even take a class or two at the The Gem.

But I seriously doubt I will EVER do a juice cleanse of any kind again. Dang ... time for my 10am Green Glow ...

Monday, April 25, 2016

First Post: Allowing Our Teens to be in the Now

This first post for my new blog, Frankly Ronda, feels uncomfortable. That is good. Growth and change usually takes us out of a comfort zone. I am ready. (About Frankly Ronda Page gives you the description so look there for context.)

Oldest Son is in 10th grade and is a 16 year old who has just started driving. Youngest Son is in 7th grade and is a 14 year old teen in full force. Like many families, these brothers have many things in common but they are completely different individuals who are forging unique paths.

When Oldest Son was three years old and we were in the Dallas quagmire of private school selection and testing, I got excellent advice from the preschool director. She told me that we can, at best, look three years out in the future for our kids and to make choices where we feel comfortable walking the halls as a family. Her advice was specific for the moment but it has carried forward with greater meaning as we navigate the too many choices presented to us in this 21st century.

We want our kids to live in this moment and in these halls. "This moment" translates into the age you are now and "these halls" are what you are doing presently. This philosophy is in a repeating loop in my head now as Oldest Son starts the move from 10th grade to 11th grade and the college quandary is beginning.

We believe in letting our teens explore experiences to find their authentic selves. Oldest Son's private school provides an amazing place to help make that happen for him. We will be encouraging Oldest Son to make decisions that support:
- his love of learning and voracious reading habit
- subjects that peak his curiosity which are advanced sciences, history and current events
- extracurricular choices which include national circuit policy debate and cross country 
- sharing his out-of-the box thoughts and ideas verbally in various settings
- his competitive nature and desire to achieve goals he thinks are important
- making time to be with friends and enjoy teen life

We will attempt to avoid the "college rat race" and all that includes. We believe that if Oldest Son stays true to himself then the high school transcript, SATs, entrance exams/essays, college choices and what he decides to do with his life will fall into place. Oldest Son gets to be a 16 to 17 year old  for the next two years in high school. Because I know Oldest Son and how he is wired then I trust this approach will be the right one for him.

Husband and I will not be intruding on Oldest Son's independence. Ultimately, it will be up to him to manage his schedule, time and decisions. Our job is to help guide him in areas that may be beyond his maturity or experience level and be there when he succeeds, when he fails and when he falls in the middle. Since I love him, I wish for disappointments to be mixed in along the way because resilience and grit are desired outcomes. We will set boundaries because we are this teen's parents and that is a crucial role to keeping Oldest Son safe. And we will support him when he decides to change course because change is inevitable and often opens new doors.

Every family and every person has a distinctive passage. There is no one formula. No one way. Thank goodness!

Oldest Son lines up for the 3200m at his school's track meet.