Oldest Son is in 10th grade and is a 16 year old who has just started driving. Youngest Son is in 7th grade and is a 14 year old teen in full force. Like many families, these brothers have many things in common but they are completely different individuals who are forging unique paths.
When Oldest Son was three years old and we were in the Dallas quagmire of private school selection and testing, I got excellent advice from the preschool director. She told me that we can, at best, look three years out in the future for our kids and to make choices where we feel comfortable walking the halls as a family. Her advice was specific for the moment but it has carried forward with greater meaning as we navigate the too many choices presented to us in this 21st century.
We want our kids to live in this moment and in these halls. "This moment" translates into the age you are now and "these halls" are what you are doing presently. This philosophy is in a repeating loop in my head now as Oldest Son starts the move from 10th grade to 11th grade and the college quandary is beginning.
We believe in letting our teens explore experiences to find their authentic selves. Oldest Son's private school provides an amazing place to help make that happen for him. We will be encouraging Oldest Son to make decisions that support:
- his love of learning and voracious reading habit
- subjects that peak his curiosity which are advanced sciences, history and current events
- extracurricular choices which include national circuit policy debate and cross country
- sharing his out-of-the box thoughts and ideas verbally in various settings
- his competitive nature and desire to achieve goals he thinks are important
- making time to be with friends and enjoy teen life
We will attempt to avoid the "college rat race" and all that includes. We believe that if Oldest Son stays true to himself then the high school transcript, SATs, entrance exams/essays, college choices and what he decides to do with his life will fall into place. Oldest Son gets to be a 16 to 17 year old for the next two years in high school. Because I know Oldest Son and how he is wired then I trust this approach will be the right one for him.
Husband and I will not be intruding on Oldest Son's independence. Ultimately, it will be up to him to manage his schedule, time and decisions. Our job is to help guide him in areas that may be beyond his maturity or experience level and be there when he succeeds, when he fails and when he falls in the middle. Since I love him, I wish for disappointments to be mixed in along the way because resilience and grit are desired outcomes. We will set boundaries because we are this teen's parents and that is a crucial role to keeping Oldest Son safe. And we will support him when he decides to change course because change is inevitable and often opens new doors.
Every family and every person has a distinctive passage. There is no one formula. No one way. Thank goodness!
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| Oldest Son lines up for the 3200m at his school's track meet. |
