Frankly Ronda: October 2020

When Noah was in second grade, his teacher helped us introduce the metaphor of buckets to him. Acts of kindness, giving and sharing fill the buckets of others while doing mean things dips into those buckets. We got the kid's book, the workbook and I even created a "cup of kindness" at home to reinforce the concept. Each day we would talk about the buckets of those around us. And, that by filling the buckets of others, then we also filled our own buckets. The real lesson is how to be happy and the impact of positive behaviors on our emotional health.

It is not a complicated paradigm. And I am wired to fill buckets. It is when I am most happy. It is my calling.

However.

I just cannot seem to consistently maintain a trajectory of filling buckets including my own bucket. I try really hard. But clearly I am doing something wrong because I get whacked down allot. Is it life or is it me? Or some of both?

I intellectually get that it is a mind frame. I do the self talk and create the narrative in my head. I take action. I get on a roll. I put in the right support systems. I am honest and transparent.

And then I am bulldozed back.

The despair of the up and down, the up and down, the down. The defeated feeling. And the wonderful moments mixed throughout too.

And the minutes are passing me by. The finite time I have with Tom. The finite time before my youngest child leaves home.

And knowing there is this person who just wants to fill buckets. Lost.

Despair by Dominique Landau

Things to be grateful for ... positive focus ... just a few wins:

Repairs by Noah and my Dad: Noah has stepped up to start helping with a few household repairs. Our Condo door bell went kaput. My Dad helped me pick out replacement doorbell kit at Home Depot. We grabbed Tom's tool bag and headed in with determination. Noah did great job with my Dad's input. And we have a working doorbell for $25! May seem small but every little bit helps!

In my Alzheimer's Support Group: A wise caregiver discussed the marriage paradigm where each of us has spent many, many years building skills to execute the marital roles that each takes on and you get really good at your stuff. This division and balance is what defines household harmony. Now, we have to start doing what our spouses have always done and building that skill set late in life. Gonna be honest, I do not want to learn to use a drill!

Music and Tai Chi by Tom: Tom has pulled out his beautiful acoustic guitar and started playing it. He sometimes does this while watching music videos. He has also been doing on online Tai Chi class set up for those with dementia (it was set for one month so hoping they will extend.)

Yoga, 2020 Election and CASA for Ronda: I have been hosting backyard yoga for about three months and am enjoying it way more than I expected (our fabulous teacher, Phoebe, went to college so in process of getting new COVID safe teacher.) The last two weekends I have gotten myself out of the house to be part of Lit-Stick project that places a large post-it sheets on doors with 2020 Election information and I have gotten to do it with my Dad and my friend Susan which was extra fun. We covered 165 doors over the two weekends! AND, I attended orientation to be a Dalls CASA volunteer advocate for abused children, was interviewed and selected! I start CASA training in a couple of weeks.

CASA: CASA stands for Court-Appointed Special Advocates. CASA volunteers are assigned to a foster child as the child advocate. Yes I understand that taking on something else is counter-intuitive to my overwhelmed status. Noah already expressed legitimate concern. We spent two years getting our Foster Care license and were so fortunate to foster three little boys in one year but Tom's EOAD made fostering little ones impossible. This left a HUGE hole in my heart. So taking care of myself involves listening to that voice calling me into the foster care community.

Return to College for Sam: While we miss Sam, he is super happy to be back at Trinity University in San Antonio living in his on-campus apartment with two roomies. And he has returned to competitive debate with all being online (crazy what we are doing virtually all across the world now!) In the Season Opener hosted by Northwestern, Sam and his partner finished in the top 8! This is tremendous and I am unabashedly proud of him. The college debate topic this year is: The United States Government should reduce its alliance commitments with Japan, the Republic of Korea, North Atlantic Organization member states and/or the Republic of the Philippines by at least substantially limiting the conditions under which its defense pact can be activated.

Tom enjoying his guitar. Music has proven to be a really important connection for those with dementia.

Prelims included wins over teams from Dartmouth, Harvard, Michigan, Berkley and Northwestern resulting in #12 seed in a field of 126 teams!

After Prelims, 48 teams out of 126 moved to bracket. Trinity made it to Quarters! The Dartmouth team Trinity beat in Prelims ended up winning the tourney.