Rhetorical Questions

This day I cannot shake the pain

It is actually this week

Or perhaps it is this month

Oh gosh, the truth is years

It sounds bleak

What do people do when it is so heavy?

I built relationships and was good at it

The focus on shared experiences was the priority

Then the stuff of life hits

One, then another, and another

It seems never ending

What do people do when it keeps getting heavier?

I redirected to recover

There was a plan and a path

But each choice evaporated beyond my control

The hole got bigger and bigger

It is overwhelming

What do people do when it feels too heavy?

It is the betrayals and sickness and death

And not just in my home

In too many lives immediately around me

And in our institutions and our country too 

It feels hopeless

What do people do?

Compassionate Care Policy

We have made so much feel so hard. We is defined as society, companies, organizations, America ...

I had another one of those experiences today. We need to cancel memberships due to a combination of Tom's Younger-Onset Alzheimer's and COVID. It has been difficult. COVID impacted the availability of member service resources thus connecting has been challenging for all parties. And I do think we have all done the best we can to connect.

Here is what I think Compassionate Care looks like:

Me: "My husband has ... and he cannot drive .... and cannot get out until COVID vaccine ... and ... and the other factors ... I am so sorry but we need to cancel this membership ..."

My Organization Dream Response: "I completely understand and we are so sorry to hear of your hardship. Please do not worry about this situation any further. We will take care of the cancellation and there will be no additional financial impacts. This is one less item for you to worry about ... we care about you and your family."

This dream model does NOT include multiple emails, voice mails, phone calls and escalations to supervisors and executives.

Maybe this qualifies as a rant. I would rather it be read as a plea. I propose we, collectively, create policies that prioritize kindness and compassion. Let's call it a Compassionate Care Policy. Will people take advantage sometimes? You bet. But why does that even matter? We can accept without resentment that there is some collateral loss in an imperfect world. I truly believe a kinder world is more important and will ultimately provide immeasurable dividends. 

I hear from so many that are dealing with really serious life stuff. I would like to empower people with tools to truly demonstrate empathy. Imagine the front line worker who gets to make decisions that make the world a nicer place and bring smiles on the other end of that phone on that first contact!

So I reacted again today and ended up in tears. Sometimes my fragility "wins" the moment. Ugh.

9.9.59

Today looks like yesterday

What a wonderful day
We wish tomorrow is exactly same
And the day after too

What life is this

A place where we want to stay still

We enjoy the indistinguishable

And hope for endless never changing days

Today marks 61 years

And today we celebrate

September 2.

September 2. In our marriage, Tom remembered the anniversaries. Tom always bought the most perfect cards for all the occasions.

September 2. Today, neither Tom nor I knew it was the day marking 25 years of marriage. Thank goodness Tom's sister sent us a congrats text. Seriously, we would not have even known if she had not.

September 2. I told Tom it was our anniversary. He said with a half grin "It is?" and I was like "Yes it is." We laughed with the sincerity of a couple who have been together 25 years.

September 2. Let's have a special dinner. There is a bottle of champagne in refrigerator. Me to Noah as I explain it is our 25th wedding anniversary "Can you go to TJ's and Whole Foods?"

September 2. Noah calls me three times while I am in the shower. Me to Noah "You decide which caviar. Two of the less expensive OR one of the higher end stuff." "Taper candles, you know that go in a candle stick." "Forget about the candles."

September 2. Happy 25th Anniversary! Noah says with a smile "The last 18 were the best years." What?? Noah explains with sheepish look "I am 18 years old." Groans from Tom and me.

September 2. Call Sam. He answers our FaceTime. Look at this Sam! Sam questions "What is Noah drinking?"

September 2. Best anniversary, truly. We so enjoyed our meal with Noah.

September 2. Tom reflects "25 years went really fast. We have had some really good times." Me to him "We had a really good time tonight and have more good times to come."

September 2. A couple hours after dinner ... Tom to me "I really love you. I do not know what I would do without you." 25 years today on September 2.

A toast with Happiness flutes- how appropriate. Our friend Jeanna gave these to us as a wedding present.

All our favorite fancy foods. Noah did all the shopping and made the bread crisps - so good!

Who knows how long that bottle has been in our fridge or where it came from? It did not matter. It was perfect.

Tom enjoyed The Pour. And the caviar is a super special treat! Tom loves caviar. He introduced me to it during our dating days.

We are ready to enjoy this fun meal that encourages tasting and talking and sharing.

THAT is an empty caviar bowl. Tom REALLY loves caviar and Noah helped a bit too :)

Thank you Cathy ... this was the exact right gift and message as we live with Altzheimer's. We would have missed September 2 without it.