Frankly Ronda: And the Transition with D Begins ...

Friday afternoon I see a phone call from unknown caller. Since becoming a foster parent, I have learned to answer all calls. It is D's CVS Caseworker from CPS. It is THE call.

Background
We know that D and his younger brother will likely be placed in kinship care with an aunt. However, these things take awhile. On July 20, we learned that the kinship placement would not happen in August and is now targeted for September.

We have been discussing since June the alternative of moving D to the foster family who is caring for his younger brother. "We" means us, the other foster family, Jonathan's Place Caseworker, Buckner Caseworker, CVS Caseworker, CVS Caseworker's Supervisor, CASA Volunteer and Guardian Ad Litem. That is allot of entities to get on the same page.

I initiated the move conversations and not because we want D to leave our family. It is just the opposite. We love having him and caring for him. He is a part of our family. It is because my role is to do what is best for D. My love for D has to be as strong as this little boy who is already facing life with a history of trauma and the odds against him. It is D that is the brave one. We are just fortunate to have the opportunity attempt to meet his level of courage and strength.

I feel strongly that siblings belong together. His new foster family is wonderful. We do know every transition like this is undesirable for a foster child. In this case, we had to make the decision that the benefit of being with his brother outweighed the negatives. We also needed to make sure it happened before school started to minimize disruption.

When you hear the stories of kids being in multiple foster homes, you often wonder why does this happen? Here is an example of a move that is rooted in love and not a problem. Foster care is complicated.

Processing and Transitioning
I did cry when I got THE call Friday. D will move to his new Foster Home this Thursday. This week. How could I not cry?

We are now helping D understand what is about to happen. He is doing okay but is asking lots of questions and saying he will miss us. D is enrolled in Camp for next two weeks. I am going to help his new foster parents keep him there and I am going to enroll/pay for a third week to help them out. His new foster mom is a teacher so this will help with the care gap between now and school starting. Thus I expect to see him over next few weeks ... (interruption as I write)

D just walked in and asked "Why am I going to live with (younger brother name)?" So I explain to him in terms a 6 year old can understand and making sure he feels loved and safe.

On Tuesday, the new foster mom, D's younger brother, D's mother, D's grandmother, a couple other kids, D and I are going to Hawaiian Falls. We have made some conscious decisions to cross certain boundaries with D's bio family. Again, we are making educated, thoughtful decisions that we think will benefit D and his brother in the long term. We can try to surround these precious boys with as much love as possible.

The Joy
There have been so many joys with D. One of the greatest is seeing Youngest Son with D. Youngest Son is so patient, caring and affectionate with D ... always. Last week I had an appointment so I dropped D off at the JCC at 6pm with Youngest Son after Youngest Son had worked 10.5 hours as Camp Counselor. Youngest Son met me in parking lot and instructed me to give him the booster and that he was going to give D "a private tour of the JCC." After the tour, Youngest Son then took him out to eat and then did D's evening routine of bath, books and bed. Youngest Son sat with D in his room as he fell asleep. Youngest Son is 16 and I am proud.

Youngest Son just got up and I am listening (as I write) to Youngest Son and D playing and laughing out loud.

D's Mother
D's mother is very young. D's mother is pregnant with her third son due in early September. D's mother has D (who will turn 7 in September) and his brother who is 20 months old. She is working her service plan from CPS to regain custody of her sons. She really trying. She is loving and kind. I sincerely hope she is able to pull it all together.

Glimpes ...