Frankly Ronda: Day 12 with D

April 8 Midnight

D, our foster son, arrives
D is our first placement

April 19

Tonight is the 12th night D has been a part of our family and our home

How is D?

D is a normal six-year old boy who is developmentally on track. He loves the Local Elementary, he sings, he skips and he kicks a soccer ball. He enthusiastically plays board and card games. He runs on the pool deck when he should not. He brushes his teeth and likes the big bath tub. He writes his name, counts to the double digits and is an emerging reader. He makes art and use scissors. He likes to play with other kids and dogs and looks up to Oldest Son and Youngest Son. He follows directions, is helpful and always curious. He only eats certain foods and vegetables do not seem to part of his diet. Thank goodness for bananas! He sometimes wakes up scared at night and slips into our room. He had a great time at Religious School Sunday and told the class he was thankful for his Dad. He asks about his Mom and Dad daily and asks if he can take his new things to his home. D is like any six-year old you would encounter.

But D is not any six-year old.

What is the situation?

I got my first call from CPS today. The CPS investigator called to tell me about the court date tomorrow and family visitation. Wait. What? After explaining to her we are going out of town tomorrow, asking allot of questions and letting her know this was our first placement, she slowed down and said she would call me back. We established that I had not heard from CPS or CASA Volunteer or the Guardian Ad Litem - all of which are important in determining D's future.

The next call was a productive three way conference call initiated by the CPS Investigator with D’s brother’s Foster Dad and me. Wait. What? So, D has a 16-month old brother. We do not understand why the boys were placed separately. There IS extended family who want to care for D and his brother. The court will decide tomorrow who would qualify for a kinship placement which will require a home study and some time to establish. I have learned that a court hearing must take place within 14 days from removal (the hearing tomorrow) and then again within next 30 days. We scheduled D's first visitation Monday at CPS offices with extended family and his toddler brother.

The immediate family situation is complicated and gut wrenching. I will not go into the details.

I am reminded that D is not any six-year old.

What have I learned about established community support?

We are required by law to take D to the doctor within first 30 days of placement. We lucked into a cancellation last Monday. The Rees-Jones Center for Foster Care Excellence at Children's Medical Center is beyond amazing. I am SO proud to have access to this facility with locations in Dallas and Plano. Our children deserve this kind of health care and resources. The staff, nurses and doctors are trained to take care of children of trauma and the facility is state of the art with considerations for all the challenges we may experience in seeking medical care for foster kids.

Our Temple and our Local Elementary have been accommodating, generous and lovely during D's transition. Jonathan's Place has been fabulous, of course.

I have been disappointed in the challenges of finding summer care under the Child Care Management Services (CCMS) program. CCMS will fund summer care for foster kids. The "go to" places for my kids such as JCC and YMCA do not take CCMS. The CCMS state website has proven difficult to use thus far. I am still fumbling my way through this one.

D's options via CCMS are not simple or obvious ... to me.

What has it been like?

D gives our family and friends a chance to be part of this journey. The generosity of words, time, gifts, food and surprises uplifts all. I see Oldest Son and Youngest Son reaching out to D, helping with homework, speaking to him in Spanish, playing with him and trying to weave this little boy into their busy teenage lives. Commuter Husband stepped right up and thankfully told me "we are in this together."

I am kinda like a new mom. I wore the same outfit three days in row this week - not kidding. I am fighting with the blasted car seat to get the buckle to co-operate. I am wiping a snotty nose and a poopie bottom. I fall into to bed physically and mentally exhausted.

And I am so very glad I am D's foster mom. D makes us smile. D reminds us that relationships are the heart of our existence. D takes us out of our first world, self-centered lives and takes us to a place that is meaningful and important. D represents all this is wrong and right in the world. D makes us face a real humanity that is all around us if we stop to look, to understand and confront it's flaws.

Today was hard. Today I learned of D's complex past, his chaotic present and his unclear future.

A few glimpses of our days and much generosity ...