Start With The Good
D went with us to Austin last Friday and Saturday to watch Youngest Son play lacrosse. We gave him a short stick to use and we played "toss the lacrosse ball" with him. D had a great time and enjoyed being at the tournament with us. His gross motor skills are wonderful.
On Sunday, D went to Religious School where he truly enjoyed his class and then we had a fun day at the house. We played games and got some things done in D's room. We are required by law to have a monthly Calendar filled in for his schedule and to have House Rules documented and communicated. I got both of those done as well as a daily schedule set up that he helped me make.
AND we celebrated Oldest Son's choice for University!
And D told me I was beautiful.
Then The Transition
The last few days D is clearly getting closer to us and to me. While this is good, it also has complicating influences. D has started telling me more about his life, things that have happened and how he feels. D has hard questions without easy answers. So it is definitely good that he has started talking more but it also means he is processing what has happened and trying to understand why he is not with his family.
Daily, he says he misses his Mom and Dad and usually with a few tears.
On Friday we started preparing him for the one hour family visit at CPS scheduled for Monday (today.) We were very clear that this visit would not include his Mom and Dad, would include his baby brother and we did not know who else would be there.
Saturday night became the first night where he did not sleep well and D attributed it to a bad dream or as he calls it a bad sleep. He talked to me allot that night.
Sunday night was terrible. D woke up at 11:45pm and he must have been up and down at least twelve times. I would take him back to his bed; I tried lying down with him where he would grasp my hand and not let go; I would lie on the couch in his room so he could see me. Nothing worked. Sometime after 5:15am he got on his couch and went to sleep but was back sitting beside my bed by 6:40am. D was afraid to go to sleep because he would have a bad sleep i.e. bad dream.
I knew this was going to be especially challenging for the day (today) that he was visiting with his extended family for the first time since being removed from his home. An exhausted six year old is tough under any circumstances.
Then The Bad
Amazingly, D actually got ready for school today with a smile and sang on the way. When I picked him up at 11:30am, he was flush from playing soccer and was excited about kicking the ball with his friend.
The family visit occurred at CPS offices today from 12pm to 1:30pm. It was tough on everyone involved for many reasons. I will not go into detail.
D left the visit in tears. D was inconsolable from 1:30pm until 7pm. We talked allot. He cried allot. I tried various distractions. He is a sensitive and smart little boy. I would be super sad too.
We managed some of his bedtime routine and he fell asleep in his bed at about 8pm. He got up at 9:15pm and again at 9:30pm. He has moved his covers from his bed to the couch in his room ... not sure I understand why the couch feels better to him. This is like putting together a puzzle of this little guy's heart.
Expectations
I should note that none of this is truly unexpected. The Jonathan's Place training prepared us well. What we are experiencing, what D is feeling, what his family is going through ... happens every day for about 438,000 children in America (2016 number.)
D is a child of trauma. Nothing will ever change this fact.
The Foster Care Team - A Few of Them So Far ...
Navigating the foster care system includes:
1) Foster Child - A child under the age of 18 who has suffered trauma for various reasons requiring them to be removed from their home
2) Agency - Our Agency is Jonathan's Place (JP) and we had to research and choose where we would receive our training and license. All our placements go through Jonathan's Place. Our Agency is responsible for helping us remain licensed, monitoring our home and our foster child and a general resource for help. It is important to us that our Agency does not discriminate on basis of race, creed, gender, national origin, sexual orientation, gender identity/expression, or military status.
3) JP Caseworker - Our JP Caseworker is our primary contact for all things relative to our relationship to the Agency and the foster kids they place with us. We file reports via an online system that our Caseworker reviews.
I email, text and talk with my JP Caseworker often.
4) CPS - Child Protective Services.
My first visit to CPS office was today.
5) CVS Caseworker - The CPS Conservatorship Worker (CVS) is legally responsible for the foster child's welfare. The CVS Caseworker manages communicating with the foster family, arranges visitations with biological family and tracks the court process and dates.
So far, I have talked with our CVS Caseworker for 10-15 minutes last Thursday and 1 minute today. Both times on the phone. I do not think the CVS Caseworker has met D yet.
6) Foster Family - The Foster Parents are responsible for all day-to-day care, education choices and medical decisions for the foster child.
7) Guardian Ad Litem - Attorney for the foster child which is often court appointed.
D's attorney has not contacted us yet.
8) CASA Volunteer - A court appointed special advocate who is a voice for the foster child.
D's CASA volunteer, if he has one, has not contacted us yet.
9) Medical Provider and Dentist - Medical and dental care are mandated by the State of Texas and there is a schedule that must be followed.
We have completed the medical visit but not the dental.
10) Therapist - The Agency helps get a therapist referral for the foster child.
We are waiting on a referral for D. Our JP Caseworker manages for us.
11) School Teacher and Counselor - School age foster kids are in school much of the time and it is important to include teachers and counselors as part of the team helping foster kids.
Only the Kinder school teacher is involved so far.
12) CCMS - Child Care Management Services who can fund certain care including Summer care.
Working this one right now - complicated.
13) Judge - The Judge is ultimately the decision maker for just about everything.
The Court hearing scheduled for last Friday was moved to May 4 thus longer limbo for D especially if kinship is an option.
12) CCMS - Child Care Management Services who can fund certain care including Summer care.
Working this one right now - complicated.
13) Judge - The Judge is ultimately the decision maker for just about everything.
The Court hearing scheduled for last Friday was moved to May 4 thus longer limbo for D especially if kinship is an option.
14) Biological Family - The biological family can include parents, siblings and extended family. Reunification is the goal of foster care.
We had first interaction today although I am not sure we are supposed to actually interact.
Glimpses ...
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| We are required to post the hotline poster and the fire escape plan. We are required to have the House Rules and the Calendar. It is strongly encouraged to have the daily schedule. I added the "How Are You Feeling" chart. |
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| Our first puzzle with D and a wonderful gift to us! His problem solving skills were impressive as he put this together. |
