Moments of My World

Me to a stranger helping me today "Being able to live in each moment really is a gift. Not a gift we asked for but a gift all the same."

Living in the moment is an overused expression. In the mainstream rhetoric, it is a form of utopia. It is a state of being that we are in search of but very few ever really get there. When you must truly live in the moment because there is not an alternative then it is a more complicated version of releasing expectations. And it can feel truly liberating; so there are moments in the moments that feel quite freeing. If I could wave my magic wand then I would focus on living in the finite and continuously decreasing salient moments that we have before the early/younger onset Alzheimers winds its way through the stages. I think I could be quite good at it. But real life does not work that way for most of us so my moments are distinct and separate. This is an important characterization of my life.

The good moments, the bad moments, the precious moments, the meaningful moments, the anxious moments, the creative moments, the angry moments, the fearful moments, the grateful moments, the work moments ... all the moments are separate. EACH is compartmentalized and worthy. A sense of being overwhelmed is always there ... hovering and omnipresent as each moment struggles to overtake the next in line. And the moments are defined within each day. My life is no longer an integrated life model; it just is not. Moments are a coping mechanism. It keeps us from wallowing in the traumatic moments and allows us to enjoy the uplifting moments.

The people I encounter can unwittingly get ambushed with the impact of my moment. At least four times in the past week, a person in my path has encountered me when a tearful, raw moment has swooped into our shared space. It is okay. It has to be okay. It is going to happen. The human condition begets authenticity. It does for me anyway.

And there are the special, joyful moments. The moment can be an unexpected gift sitting beside my plate or a sincere sentiment of "thanks Mom" or sharing an emotional experience or seeing positive change in the world or a quiet evening. It can be as simple as my Husband telling me with tears of joy in his eyes that his best gift on our first night of light was cooking with our Oldest Son.

Some moments are still and silent in a calming way. And there are often those dark moments of nothingness; when absolutely nothing is left in that day. But always, the next day arrives and it is filled with whatever is next on life's list.

Oldest Son and Husband lighting candles on our 2nd night of Chanukah: a treasured moment.

This clock is sold as a Dementia Clock ... it helps our household know the day, time and date of our moments at a glance ... and the proverb has been sitting on our counter for a very long time ...

Two Weeks Past Dx

Today is a good day. Today looks like a Sunday that many can relate to ...

• Youngest Son went to religious school and did his Madrichim stuff and he spent the afternoon at the JCC playing in the BBYO Flag Football championship. And this evening is all about watching football!
• Husband went to the grocery store to get a brisket and cooked it for us in the crock pot. He also spent the afternoon at the JCC at the fitness center doing his daily work out. Then Husband spent some time cleaning the never ending cascade of acorns off our back porch.
• I worked some getting ready for Monday meetings and then took a long walk down Northaven Trail with a friend who generously gave her time and more importantly gave me motivation.
• We had a family sit down lunch with TJ's shrimp that Youngest Son and I picked up along with a veggie stir fry that Husband cooked. And then we got to sit down again with Youngest Son at dinner.
• Right now, Husband and Youngest Son are making a Braum's run for dessert!

A typical day in Northwest Dallas ... well maybe only typical if you are Jewish but the important part is it is a "normal" day. I appreciate each one of these days. Every single one. 

And the last week has felt slightly less scary. I am trying figure out why and think there are several things going on  ...

• Husband was invited to a museum, an art exhibit and movie by three different friends this week. This is the MOST helpful gift we can receive right now. Tom's intellect and curiosity is intact and he is terrific company. Getting Husband out of the house, socializing and staying mind-active is a high priority which I simply cannot do alone.
• A friend came over and sat with Husband for several hours to get his SSDI application submitted. HUGE relief to get that submitted as it impacts our financial health and Husband's eventual Medicare eligibility (more on this further down.)
• I interacted with lots of caring friends and family in all kinds of ways: phone, texts, social media, dinner date, in person, walking, meetings. I did not always hold it together but that was okay. I was fortunate as some patiently listened to me; I needed to talk - allot obviously - lol! Others shared information with me to help me establish our new normal. And many just sent kind words of support.
• I joined Early-onset/Young Alzheimers Female Spouses Caregiver Support Group on Facebook. This courageous group of women has already provided me a place of understanding, humor, love and support in a safe closed community. In full honesty, some of the posts are heartbreaking and tremendously scary. But it is more of a place where I can gather practical information about things I just would not think about yet that are the realities of Husband's diagnosis.

I will end with a PSA on SSDI and Medicare ...

Representative Colin Allred called me today to ask for 2020 campaign support. I am a big Colin Allred fan so I am honored to have the opportunity to talk with him directly. This timely phone call gave me a chance to share with him my latest issue of the heart and human rights.

We have learned that the over 8.5 million Americans qualifying for SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance) must WAIT TWO YEARS to qualify for Medicare. This is beyond ludicrous and cruel. The SSDI approval process is rigorous, difficult and stressful and can take years. Once a family finally gets the SSDI qualification then their DISABLED loved one who cannot work must wait two years from SSDI effective date for Medicare. How is this okay? All I have found in my research is that the Congress has put in this two year waiting period policy in place only to save money. What the heck are disabled people supposed to do for affordable healthcare? And what about the disabled people with no family to help or care for them?

Representative Colin Allred listened to me with compassion as I shared the information on this issue. He too has experienced the tragedy of Alzheimer's in his family so knows the path of this terminal illness. He did not know about the two year wait for Medicare after SSDI granted. His first reaction was this must be a mistake; sadly, I doubt it. He gathered the information and we discussed how I can also submit to his office through the established process for collecting issue input from constituents. We will do that for sure. One would hope there would be bipartisan support to make SSDI and Medicare eligibility effective at the same date. SO, political activists, add this your list of issues! 

Family Dinner: Husband's tasty brisket, avocado/cucumber/citrus salad, oven baked potatoes and fresh sliced strawberries. 

So Much Has Changed

I have not posted since last March. Last March, we were fostering our third little boy. Last March, we had to make the heartbreaking decision to move our foster son to a different foster home. Last March, I gave up my dream of fostering. Last March, we were still in a purgatory of hope and denial.

It is now November, we have transitioned to the purgatory of the known and the unknown. Husband has been diagnosed with younger-onset (early onset) Alzheimer's. It has been ten days since the neurologist confirmed the diagnosis. In those ten days, I have felt completely and thoroughly scared. I have gone through allot of trauma in my 54 years of life and I have been supremely successful at keeping fear at bay. This repressive coping mechanism has served me well. Thus feeling gut-wrenching, all encompassing fear is a new emotion for me. I would like to say it is unwelcome but perhaps allowing this feeling to surface is the authentic emotion. But this fear drains me and throws every other emotion off balance. On this tenth day, I am in search of equilibrium.

The "younger-onset" descriptor for Alzheimer's creates another layer of circumstances. We are now on a completely different path than our same life-stage peers. Husband and I are part of a different community where only 5% of those diagnosed with Alzheimer's belong. I have known for awhile that my narrative is isolating. And the fear is fed.

And there is some irony that my strongest coping mechanism is pushing aside my own emotional pain by care-taking others. It started when I was very young by protecting my brother and myself. This caretaker role has shown bright throughout so many of my relationships. It has created some of my proudest moments. Thus (another thus), I have been ambushed by how scared I am. Again the fear is fed.

Here is where I shift to a more hopeful perspective. This journey has already started reinforcing my intuition about non-normative acceptance. Our society places far too much emphasis on what is normal and if not considered normal then giving it a label. The labels we have come up with are endless and are growing daily. The labels frequently serve to normalize the non-normative. And too many labels substantiate bias, rejection and intolerance. It is foolishness.

My Husband's brain is going to move into another place. My Husband's role and contribution to his family and his community is one of worth and respect. We (family, friends, community, society) need to move to into his world not the other way around.

I Thought

I did not think

It would happen to me

I thought

I had it covered

A child enters

So broken and so happy

Complicated and simple

Needing everything

Because nothing was ever there

A mother responds

Also broken and happy

Also complicated and simple 

Wanting everything 

Because everything is the cover

A bond forms

Fighting brokenness with happiness

But complexity is not simple

Everything is not an option

Because there are more than two

A break is forced

Completely broken and unhappy 

Too complex and without simplicity 

Everything feels impossible 

Because we are not one

It happened to me

I thought wrong

The heart break is real

It is too familiar 

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What A Foster Child Thinks

Cuddling and bedtime ...

Z starts a game of “What Makes You Happy?” This is completely his idea. We take turns. Some responses are funny, some are childlike, some are silly and two slam into my heart like a bulldozer:

Z says “You never ignore me.”

Z says “You always listen to me.”

... Z is 6 years old.

Z passes his hearing test this morning at Children’s Medical Center :)

End of Week 3 with Z ... Rollercoaster

We are definitely on the foster care rollercoaster. 

Heading Up On The Rollercoaster With A Smile

We went to Children's Rees-Jones Foster Care Center last Monday for Z's 30 day medical check up. I asked the pediatrician for advice on how to handle the bedtime meltdowns. She reminded me that Z might be at the emotional level of a 3 year old (many foster kids 2-3 years behind in various ways) and she asked me if I had tried rocking him. I had not and we do not have a rocking chair in his room. BUT, I can wrap him in blanket and hold him "like a baby" on the couch and talk to him. So, that is what I have done for the past 5 nights and we also have a sticker chart for Z for each positive bedtime. Z has not had a bedtime meltdown since we started this approach. Crossing my fingers that this lasts.

We celebrated Valentines with Youngest Son and Z with our traditional Hershey Kiss trail leading to gifts. Youngest Son even got up early so we could have our morning celebration before I left for work and Z went to school.

This morning I took Z to a soccer clinic at the YMCA and he did fairly well. Two hours is a long time for him to stay focused but Z managed to participate about 80% of the time. He had a good time and is starting to learn kick a soccer ball.

He eats like a champ! Z will eat anything we put in front of him. It is helpful that food is not an issue and he is getting great nutrition.

Heading Down On The Rollercoaster Screaming

We are dealing with behaviors that are tough. Listening to requests, following rules, transitions and hearing "no" is hard for Z. There have been challenging moments almost every day.

We are trying to figure out how to help Z so I have actioned the following with the help of Jonathan's Place Case Manager and our Children's Rees-Jones Pediatrician:

• Hearing test on Monday
• Speech therapy request in motion
• Weekly therapy at our house starts Thursday
• We have Psychological Assessment set up for the week of Feb 25
• We have follow up psychological assessment at Children's Rees-Jones the week of March 4
• We have officially requested in writing a special ed assessment at Z's public school elementary
• We are documenting and reporting all concerning occurrences

I picked up these books with the recognition that we need to think about what a 3 year old would like ... Good Night Gorilla is a big hit so far! 

And just to make things more interesting, I fell and hurt my wrist so in a splint this week.

Working Mom Valentines shopping at the company store.

Z moving fast to pick up the Hershey Kisses on Valentines.

Z LOVES cars and Cars. I finally bought the Disney movie on Prime Amazon.

Soccer clinic this morning.

Some People Feel More Than Others. Me.

Me. Green Eyes. No make-up. Naturally greying hair. Age spots. Emerging wrinkles. T-shirt.

Some people feel more than others.

I did a selective cut-n-paste from this Psychology Today article. These resonate with me. Perhaps are Me.

People who feel more deeply and intensely than others are more aware of subtleties; their brain processes information and reflects on it more deeply. People with emotional intensity are sometimes described as sensitive, caring, and attentive. At their best, they can be exceptionally perceptive, intuitive, and keenly observant of the subtleties of the environment. Yet they are also overwhelmed by the constant waves of social nuances and others’ emotional and psychic energies. 

• You experience emotions to an unusual level of depth, complexity, and intensity. This makes you feel incredibly alive, sometimes painfully so.
• You have a constant stream of both positive and negative feelings, sometimes together, sometimes from one to another in a short period.
• You are passionate, even if you do not show it on the outside. 
• You tend to form strong emotional connections with people, places, and things, and sometimes that makes separation difficult.
• However, being naturally open and sensitive also means you are vulnerable to relational injuries from a young age. Your natural tendency to be open and loving may get stunted due to early rejections and trauma.
• Being perceptively gifted means you can sense and perceive things that others miss. With acute awareness, you can see beyond superficiality, grasp patterns and make linkages.
• Insights, intuition, and the ability to read several layers of reality allow you to assess people and situations rapidly. You can sense incongruence and their intentions, thoughts, and feelings that are underneath the facades.
• However, your abilities do not necessarily make life easy. You are bothered by hypocrisies and unfairness and struggle with inauthentic people and situations. You cannot help but be the one who points out the ‘elephant in the room’, but your perceptiveness may seem intimidating to those who felt ‘seen through’.
• You have an innate urge to push the boundaries of conformity, to question or to challenge traditions, particularly those that seem meaningless or unfair. Paired with a strong sense of justice, you are often frustrated with corruptions and inequality in the world. 
• Although this may indicate a challenging life path for you, you also have the potential to thrive as a visionary leader.
• Intellectually, you are inquisitive and reflective. You have a strong need to seek to understand, to expand your horizons, to gain knowledge and to analyze your mental content.
• With an ability to process information with speed and depth, you absorb and surge through information very quickly.  You are likely to be an avid reader and a keen observer.  You may appear critical and impatient with others who cannot keep up with you.
• You also can integrate intellectual concepts with your deep feelings for original conceptions. You may have a constant stream of ideas, sometimes so many that you feel you cannot keep up with it.   
• You tend to experience zealous enthusiasm about certain topics and endeavors. When you get excited about an idea, your mind runs faster than your words can keep up, or you find yourself talking rapidly, perhaps even interrupting others. 
• You are highly capable of contemplative thinking and self-reflection. The flip side is that you may be occupied with obsessive thoughts, and scrupulous self- examination. You may also suffer from perfectionism and self-criticism.
• You are extremely open-minded.
• You might have felt frustrated that those around you were not prepared to discuss and consider weighty concerns.
• Your existential angst may manifest as an unnamed sense of urgency, a constant impulse to move forward.  You get a constant ‘niggling’ feeling that there is something important that you should be doing, even when your vision is not clear yet.   You live with a feeling that somehow time is running out, and you are not doing what you should be doing. 
• For some unnamed reason, you feel a weight of responsibility on your shoulder - even for things you are not responsible for. 
• Your angst propels you to learn, to expand, and to advance in your life path, but it can also paralyze you.   You may be prone to creative blockages such as ‘artist’s block,’ ‘writer’s block,’ procrastination, the fear of exposure or the Imposter Syndrome (the feeling that you are a fraud).
• Nevertheless, you have always known deep down that you are dissatisfied with a life that is meaningless and task-driven.
• You may be a polymath, or a ’multipotentialite’ - someone with multiple interests and creative pursuits, and not just one calling. 
• When you have a strong vision or innovative idea, you can feel the split between belongingness and authentic expression— you want to express with your full, authentic self but you are worried that it means being rejected, or leaving people behind.

“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.” —Margery Williams Bianco, The Velveteen Rabbit

Fostering Z - Week 2 - Survival

The theme this week was all about survival. Foster Dad was out of town so I was in working single parent mode. It was tough and I am really glad it is Friday.

Sickness
Youngest Son, Z and I were all sick this week. Both Youngest Son and I were at the doctor on Tuesday. Youngest Son missed a couple days of school with a sinus infection. I have some wacky throat virus that took my voice away Wednesday afternoon and it is still gone. Talking is a fairly crucial part of my job so working has been painful (literally.) Z has had a cold all week with the sniffles and a cough.

Logistics
Most days I am commuting to Fort Worth. Getting a 6 year old up and to school and me to Fort Worth requires careful sequencing. One morning as I was walking out with Z, I discovered Z had COMPLETELY missed the toilet and there was a huge puddle of urine on the bathroom floor. All I could do was throw down a towel and leave it for when I returned after work; just did not have time to stop. That took some mental maneuvering for me to leave without cleaning up. It was the FIRST thing I did when I got home.

Oh and I backed into our mechanical gate one morning as well and knocked it off the track. Just a bit distracted. Yikes!

Meltdowns
Week 2 of foster care is hard. A foster child has had the first weekly family visit. The child is more comfortable but also realizes they are in an alien land. Foster parents are trying to put together the puzzle of this child: behaviors, personality, likes, dislikes, triggers, the list is endless because so little is known. Everyday is a reveal. Clues arrive like education records, CPS provided information and comments from the child.

This was week 2 with Z. He had several meltdowns with some fairly major. Some nights he goes right to sleep and other nights he is out of control. One of our awesome foster babysitters took Z to McDonalds to eat and play and he did great until it was time to leave. It was so difficult for him to go that she had to call me to come help. I was able to talk him into a calm state and out the door. Each day I am learning and getting better at knowing how to prevent the meltdown and also how to defuse when he goes to a bad place.

Unclear if Z's life has included consistency, structure and discipline that comes from a stable home environment. I have no way to judge how he has been loved.

The Important Stuff
On Thursday, Z was picked up from school to drive over an hour to visit with his Bio Mom for an hour and then drive back home another hour. HE.IS.SIX. On the way back, he vomited in the CPS transporter's car. I think he was tired, had a cold, probably stressed and maybe car sick. I get a call from CPS and leave from Fort Worth immediately. Once home, we both put on our PJs. I turn on a kiddie show on amazon prime. I lit the fire. We snuggled on the coach and relaxed together. We both felt yucky and it was good to "be." We skipped bath and I had no voice to read to him. He went to bed easily and Z woke me up at 7:12am this morning announcing "I am not sick anymore." So I got this little boy off to school with a smile on his face.

Court
Today was the mandatory 14 day court date. Z will stay with us for now. The next court date is March 26th.

And on to the third week.

This says it all.

Z is a fabulous eater. Here is PB&J, apples and Ovaltine! Tonight he had Thai food with us where he ate tofu even.

Much appreciated booster seat and two books that Z loves! Especially Giraffes Can't Dance. Grateful to generous friends.

We are responsible for cultural education and Z is biracial. Here is one way for us to help Z connect with his black culture and history.

Z - Foster Care Week One

The week has gone ... as expected. We are better equipped to know how things are going to go. Here is a typical week one for foster care:

• Clothing: Z arrived Friday night, January 25th, with a few basics but we had to equip him with most clothing. Through generous friends and some clothes we already had, he had everything he needed by Sunday! We also visited Jonathan's Place warehouse on Tuesday to get a few more clothing items, shoes and toys.

• Texas Law School Enrollment: We enrolled Z in our local elementary in Kindergarten. He was able to start Monday. Texas laws allow foster kids to be enrolled with the understanding that their school records will arrive later.

• Aftercare: Since Foster Dad and I both work, we must have care after school. Our local elementary YMCA care was full. We explained our situation and fortunately they were able to enroll Z by Wednesday last week. The YMCA program is at the school and provides exceptional care. We are not reimbursed by the State for the after care costs since YMCA is not certified by Texas to partner on funding (I think this is ridiculous and an issue in foster care.)

• Texas Law Medical 3 Day: Z had to have a medical exam within 3 days of placement. Thankfully, Jonathan's Place provides access to a medical professional at their location on Tuesdays and Fridays. We were able to take Z in Tuesday afternoon. His health is good and he is on the small side.

• Service Plan for First 30 Days: Our Jonathan's Place Caseworker documented Z's 30 Day Service Plan and we signed it.

• Texas Law Family Visit: The goal of foster care is family reunification and this is supported by weekly family visits. Z had his first visit last Thursday with his Bio Mom. CPS provided transport since the location is one hour away. Z was out of school for 1/2 day and this will happen every week. Z was not overly distressed after this visit but we have seen some acting out over the weekend. He reported he was happy to see Bio Mom and they played a game. The visits occur at the CPS office and are supervised.

• Texas Law Medical and Dental: I have made Z's required 30 day medical appointment at Children's Rees-Jones Foster Clinic for February 11.  I also have to make a dental appointment.

• Reports: During first week I am supposed to do daily online reports. Between care and work, this proved to be a challenge this week.

• Structured Activities: We have signed Z up for YMCA Swim lessons in March and a soccer intro clinic.

Here is how Z is doing and how we are doing:

• Z eats VERY well. He is eating a wide variety of foods and he is eating large portions. He seems to be responding to healthy, consistent nutrition. We are grateful that foods are not an issue. He fits in well at our family dinner table. Z even went to Flower Child with us and gobbled up his organic, healthy meal.

• With some sage advice and products gifted from trusted friend, we are learning to take care of Z's hair and skin. Z is biracial so we have a learning curve. After one week, I think his hair and skin look better than when he joined us.

• Once asleep, Z does sleep through most of night. We have been working diligently to get him away from a 5am wake up time and seem to be making some progress toward our 7am goal. He did act out at bedtime last night which was stressful ... hopefully tonight will be better.

• We are working on a daily schedule and structure. We do not think Z had a structured paradigm so he can be resistant which results in moments of defiance. Overall, I think we are making progress and he is responding positively most of time. We just have to put forth the energy and dedication to get him comfortable.

• Z is doing well with independence. He can dress himself, brush his teeth, put away toys and take dishes to sink.

• Emotionally, Z seems happy and okay being here. He is high energy! He loves shooting baskets outside so we have been doing that allot. Z plays with cars all the time and his favorite toy is his remote controlled car. He does exhibit fears of bugs and anything that looks scary to him.

• Z is a dodger meaning he takes off on us. While at Youngest Son's soccer game, Z ran onto the field while Youngest Son's team was playing. I ran after him, he ran more, I grabbed, he fell, I picked him up ... we were great entertainment for the crowd in the stands.

• Z is a talker. His verbal skills are on track, vocabulary decent and he has an easy laugh. He is a joyful child who enjoys school. Reading time is fun for both of us; he is responding to being read to and is totally engaged. CPS believes Z will benefit from one on one attention. I agree.

• By Texas State Law, Z will get a psychological evaluation. I have also requested an occupational (gross motor skills) and speech (some letters pronounced wrong) assessments.

• Foster Dad, Youngest Son and I are all doing well too. We are able to set parameters around our foster placements. Our home is open to one elementary age child with basic care requirements. I think one child is about all we can manage truthfully.

Glimpses:

Products!

100 Day Poster

Clothes - Thanks to generous friends!

More Clothes - Thanks to more generous friends!

I got this as gift when D was with us ... child #3 now playing with boat at bath time.

Loves Basketball!

Opening up a new toy car :)

Z: First Couple Days

As expected, with each foster child we get more comfortable and understand fostering better. It is interesting that our three placements so far have all been:
- Young Boys
- In Kindergarten
- First Placement

When a foster child arrives, the assessment and learning curve is steep. Our role as a foster parent is to start gathering information and relay that to the many professionals who will now be in charge of Z's future.

Here is what we know so far about Z, our 6 year old:

• He is a joyful child who is quick to laughter, loves toy cars and likes to play basketball
• He had a great time at the park and we started teaching him how to swing independently
• He is eating frequently, enjoys lots of different foods and ketchup is his favorite condiment for sure!
• He has slept well the last two nights but awoke at 4am this morning and did not go back to sleep ... ugh
• He is super active and focus shifts frequently
• There are several areas where he will need attention and we help identify those in his service plan
• Emotionally he has not been sad or upset yet but he probably does not really understand what is going on ... he has referred to his Mom and Dad a couple times but not too much
• He has called us Mama and Daddy already ... hmmmm ... in foster care we approach what kids call us organically allowing the child to drive that paradigm so we will see where this goes

Foster Dad playing with Z!

Foster Dad waiting for Z to appear :)

Park Fun!

Z found the Superman costume and we are working on building a lego car!

Thankful for help for Z: school uniforms, PJs, underwear, socks, shirts, gloves, hat, legos, jacket, pants, shoes - wow! 

And a Dino Backpack for school tomorrow!

And more help that fills Z's empty closet :)

Well ... this guy has GOT TO GO. C and Z have both been afraid of this baseball dude.

Z ... Foster Son #3

Z arrived sound asleep in the arms of kind and sorta funny gentlemen, a CPS worker. A CPS Investigator doing her first placement accompanied him. Our Jonathan's Place caseworker arrived. We signed all the paperwork. Z has never been in foster care and he is 60 miles from his home.

I know more now. I know that the Medical Consenter and Education Decision Maker forms are critical. I know to ask about a Medicaid number. I know to ask about CASA, Guardian Ad Lidem, court dates and kinship care. I know to enroll Z in school Monday. I know to take Z for his required 3 day medical visit next Tuesday and schedule his 30 day visit at Children's Rees-Jones Foster Center.

And I know a six year old will wake up in the morning in a strange bed in a room he does not recognize and in a house with people he has never seen in his life. He will be afraid. He will be confused. He will be traumatized. We will try to explain what foster care is and why his mother is not here. He will not possibly understand; how can he?

Z arrived with a bag with a few items that CPS could provide. Tomorrow we will start to learn about this precious kindergartener and we will provide a home.